home again...home again...almost

we are almost home! we've been kid/house sitting since Tuesday. The parents are coming home at four (well, probably they'll get here at four thirty), and Roy and I will get to go home to our little house and sleep for a little bit. Then he has to intern tonight.

I think I can say that we've really enjoyed taking care of the kids. They've been fun, even though I'm pretty sure we've let them watch too much TV +/or be on the computer too much. But they've been pretty well behaved and helpful and you can tell that they REALLY love Roy. They like me, too, but they LOVE Roy. Of course, who wouldn't? He really is the best person I know, besides Jesus. So, yeah, the kids were okay.

But I'm homesick. The house we've been at is HUGE. The master bathroom could fit a double bed in it--maybe two. Even though the bathroom adjoins the bedroom, I have to walk farther to get to the toilet here, than in my house where I have to go through a hallway. At least it feels like it. This point, while it may seem silly to some, makes a lot of sense when you get up to urinate two-three times a night. But I'm pretty sure it's right. I miss having two percent milk to drink. I miss having fewer electronic distractions, though I don't begrudge Roy the chance to watch the play-offs on DirectTV. I miss my furniture. I miss my little kitchen, and the food that's in it (or that would be it we'd gone shopping). I miss being in Jackson-Jackson...I don't like feeling so surburban, even if it's really only 15 minutes away. I just miss...the smallness of our life. I'm glad our home doesn't have an entertainment center built in. We could probably keep the kids for another week if we got to keep them in our house. Of course, they would go crazy because we don't have that much to do.


in other news...

My next sonogram, the one that for some terrible reason I keep thinking of as the "reveal" sonogram (...someone's been watching too many home improvement TV shows!), is Wednesday. This really is great and I'm excited-but I'm also really scared. I know that everything is likely fine and that it'll be great to find out which pronoun applies to our kiddo, but sonograms make me so nervous because it was my first sonogram in the first pregnancy when we found out that something was wrong. And then in the aftermath of the miscarriage, I kept having to have them to see what was going on--but not to see a little kiddo squirming around. I guess maybe I haven't grieved about that part yet. But it's still really hard not to worry about everything connected to the pregnancy...if I'm gaining weight too fast or too slow, what it means that my stomach is upset, if I'll ever feel the baby move, if I'm alienating myself from my child because I don't like the control it has over my body, if I'm eating the right things so our kiddo will be healthy. I'm sure this is fairly normal and most of the time my rationality is able to squelch them, but it's not comfortable. But I'm also sure it's heightened because we have already lost a child. And I don't think we'll ever forget that first baby. ... ... but Roy is really good about reminding me that God is good (all the time) and it helps a lot. If you aren't married, don't get married until you can find someone that loves Jesus as much as Roy does.

I guess the older you get, the more things there are to be afraid of.

On that note, I'm going to go get ready for church. Or eat breakfast. I think baby is hungry.

What do ya'll worry about?

Love,
Emily