I didn't have any exciting emails and nothing fantastic happened on facebook so i'm pretty much internetted out. I also might have to go to the bathroom.
Sorry...this may turn out to be another inane Emily post. whee! there was a thunderstorm last night. I woke up because of it or because of my bladder, but i didn't get back to sleep easily. I didn't mind too much--i kinda like thunderstorms. When that tornado-storm came past what was it, three weeks, a month ago? I was on my porch, watching it. but I wondered if Iris minded.
Iris, by the way, is our tentative first name for our daughter. We had a middle name of "hope" but Roy didn't like it as much as I did (Sorry Kathryn!) and so we are on the lookout for a new middle name. We welcome suggestions, as long as you can handle rejection--We're picky.
I'm not as scared as I was on Wednesday about having a girl. But I'm still a little apprehensive. And so far, no one has seemed to take my fears really seriously. They just think things will be fine. And, really, of course, I'm probably a bit more liberal about gender than a lot of people we know (don't tell!), and talk about gender roles sometimes frustrates me, but I also realize (sometimes through painful experience) that gender-conforming makes your life easier. Ultimately, we just want a little girl (or a big girl) who is like ALL of Jesus' attributes--compassion AND courage, but if that same little girl likes to go shopping and paint her nails and wear makeup, her momma is not going to know what to do. I mean, I do have friends and sisters that have volunteered to step in and pinch-hit in those areas, but will it hurt my feelings if Iris likes things that I don't value? Or will it hurt her feelings? I know there were somethings (mostly boys) that I didn't talk to my mom about because I knew she would think it was stupid and/or foolish. But I do hate when being a girl means that you have to sit with the girls and talk about table-cloths or place mats instead of listening to the boys talk about interesting things like theology or sports. And while I'm not prepared to give our child a gender-neutral name (Iris is too pretty not to use, anyway), I would prefer that she not feel bound by extra-biblical cultural (or sub-cultural) gender constraints. And so...I guess if she does feel like conforming, I'll just have to get someone else to help her conform well. Can you tell that I took a gender seminar in grad-school?
So... that was not really a productive or well-thought out post, but it is something that does worry me. Maybe I should worry more about her being mixed-race, but being a girl can be hard, too. Any thoughts? (Note: this is not necessarily a Roy-approved message...I know we've talked about it some, but I didn't make him read this before I posted it. I believe he would say something along the lines of "As long as she loves Jesus, it'll be okay.")
4 comments:
i like this post.
i hear you.
i would still like to encourage you to not be too hard on yourself if you end up with a "girlie girl" and don't quite know all what to do. there are much worse things that can happen. and really, you do have a great support system around you to help.
and just think - there are some really good things about being much different from your child....it creates a balance...you could bring some motherly wisdom and balance to her if she is a polar opposite from you...it could work out quite for the best. even mothers and daughters that have a LOT in common can actually have more problems some times, you know?
all that to say....thanks for sharing your thoughts....you are not going crazy for having them....and you'll be ok (i know you know this) however she turns out.
:)
so excited!
Hey, em. While I was reading this, I kept thinking about Rachel Anderson and Ann Michal and Lizzy. Ann Michal is a tomboy and runs races and plays soccer. Lizzy is a ballerina and a "girlie-girl" to the max. However, Rachel loves them both and relates to them both even though she is not necessarily either of those (a tomboy or a girlie-girl). All that to say, God has a personality planned for your daughter. And, you both will grow and change. You won't be the same Emily a year or 10 years or 30 years from now than you are today. You will be sanctified in many ways. And, don't forget, there's grace and wisdom to be found in Christ for all circumstances -- the ones you can "handle" and the unknowns. I love you, Roy, and Iris.
Emily,
Thought I would check in and see how you and Roy and the "little one" are doing? How far along are you anyway? My wife and I have three children so the name/pregnant thing has been a journey for us.
Anyway I really like the name Justice! LOL!
I know it sounds crazy for a girl but if you say it 19 times then it starts to sound really good.
My 10 month old daughter's name is Eden Genesis and she always gets raised eyebrows when we tell folks her name but we absolutely love it. Once you decide on something it just becomes a part of your vocab and it sounds beautiful regardless. Especially for a baby girl!
Grace and Peace!
wow, i can relate to this. i recommend dr. lisa mcminn's book, "growing strong daughters" (she was my gender roles prof at wheaton--awesome!) she's written some other great books about sex and gender as well.
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