I brought you into this world.....

Having a kid on the way begins to make me think about what to expect. One of the things I have been thinking about as a soon-to-be-dad is discipline. So, I have already begun to brainstorm about is the many one-liners (what I like to call "one-hitter-quitters") that my mother or the parents of my friends spoke to pretty much end any disciplinary problems with their children.

The most common I've heard (but my mom never used on me) is the statement, "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out..." Imagine saying that to a 14 year old girl who starts questioning your authority, "I'm going to the school dance!" This hypothetical girl can be seen here.

or here.

Imagine saying that a 8 year old boy who just wants to watch Saturday morning cartoons in peace (in his Sponge Bob "drawls" (underwear)) and not clean his room. You can see this hypothetical kid of yours here.

Rather than look like this,

or do this,

You can just simply respond, "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out..."

So, I like to be prepared when it comes to this aspect of parenting, and I've stored about 9 more "one-hitter-quitters" into my repertoire (sp?) to lay down the law. I like to think about what to expect and how I would deal with certain situations (in a Christian manner, of course). I also want your input on some of your experiences...help me out....please. Here is the list I have so far:

1.) "Wait til your daddy gets home... " - I grew up in single parent home (mother), so this was one I often heard my friends' mothers say to their rebellious youth. It often brought instant submission, tears, repentance, good behavior, more tears, etc...did I say instantly already? Something about dad coming home from a hard day's work and wanting to find release when he got home, made his coming one of terror.

"Hand/Bring me that belt/(tree) switch..." - I've had only a handful of these, but this ploy is devastating because it is not only physical, but also psychological. The parent basically is, in response to a child's defiance, telling them to get the weapon, instrument, utensil, (from the Hebrew word, "cali," for you Hebrew scholars out there...) in which discipline will be administered. In my experience, you often break down crying in the process of walking to get the weapon to which you don't need to be hit...the damage is done. But there have been some who have tried to counter this discipline by bringing small tree switches or getting small, soft, or flimsy belts (like this one), only for the parent to retaliate by retrieving the weapon of destruction his or her self. These may look like this:

weapon of mass destruction 1
weapon of mass destruction 2

3.) [Expletive] - Believe it or not some parents resort to this and it works...I don't recommend it though. But I think a few of these will come out in the life of every parent.

4.) "I'm gon' fix you"...this is just as real as "I brought you into this world..." I just tremble at the thought of being "fixed."

5.) "Come here..." This is the cousin of "Bring/Hand me... #2" It adds an additional element of surprise as the child being disciplined doesn't know what to expect as he comes to you. It could be a swift pat on the backside, or a sharp blow to the gut or throat whichever you prefer, or a crisp spinning roundhouse kick much like this man's...check out his feet. Or you could just talk to them.

6.) "You gettin' smart?/Who you think you talkin' to?" - This question is probably the "Game-Changing-Performance" question of discipline. Just when a child thinks he has the upper hand and is going to assert himself in an argument and raises his voice a little above the speaking level of the house, then you can retort, "Who you think you talkin' to?" It changes the momentum.

7.) "Roll 'em ...I'll control him..." - This probably is just straight up New Orleans, uptown, 3rd ward language but when a female decides she is going to "roll her eyes at you," demonstrated here, you can just say, "You could roll 'em, but I'll control 'em." I honestly don't know what the expression means, but I think it pretty much means I punch you in the eye or something like that...I don't know. I was always scared for people when I heard somebody tell them this.

8.) (Calm response...) -I think this response is probably the most jolting because kids (and people in general) often want you to match their level of intensity when they get angry. It is the reason why so many people love Mr. Rogers and Dr. Huxtable; you can just never imagine them yelling at their kids. I can imagine Mr. Rogers being like, "C'mon now kids, let's settle down and breathe easy....aaaaahhh doesn't that feel refreshing? Let's talk now..."

9.) (Laugh...) - I think laughing for no apparent reason at your kid when they are being defiant basically throws them off. It's kinda not the right response to a kid that is mad at your not letting them use the car, but it does work well when they decide they are going to be the tough guy or gal. Just laugh...

So, this is all I have so far...still trying to work on more. Again, I need your help, input, insight, on more of these...so I can have the jump on these kiddos....I close with these words, "Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him (Proverbs 22:15)." Again, that's just too real!

Peace.