sad news

well, when i went to the doctor on friday for our second ultrasound,
there wasn't a heartbeat.

second verse, same as the first

I'm really sad. and we told a lot of people about this baby because we
(especially me) were SO excited...so there's a lot of untelling. so
please, make sure everyone you know that knows us knows we had a
miscarriage. i'm not sure which one is worse, being asked how the
baby is doing or hearing other people's sad baby stories, when you
only want to grieve for your own, but please please please make sure
people know. it's weird, because this is a deeply personal thing...i'm
still carrying my child whose heart isn't beating, but I want everyone
to know. and they can pray, too. So I don't mind people knowing, but
I'd probably rather just have a hug than any words of comfort. we've
already done this before...i know the drill...but I don't mind knowing
that you care about us. Roy is a very good comforter--not as good as
Jesus, but pretty good. :)

We'll still take flowers and/or casseroles. And we do have a beautiful
little girl to snuggle and hug tight. and God is good to us. and I
like my new doctor, still.

This grief is different...it's a familiar grief, not a strange one,
and it's tempered by Iris's presence and her daily needs. You can't
just be sad all day and mope when you have to feed and clothe and play
and supervise a precious baby, who will lean in for a kiss if you say
"Iris, give me a kiss!" But at the same time, I'm not sure how to
grieve as good as I did with Beulah.

But my doctor is ...gracious is the word that comes to mind, even
though I'm not sure how that fits. He didn't pressure for a d&c at
all, though if my body doesn't cooperate, who knows what will
happen... so I have time and space to grieve and wait, and still hold
little Reuben (this one I decided is a boy, and Roy named him) with
me.

So pray for us, please, that we would both have grace to be good
parents to Iris and to support each other, and PLEASE tell people,
anyone at all that might know us. And I think some visits would be
okay...I'm just not sure.

Sorry this is a little / a lot distracted...I've been dreading writing this.

Thank you.