griefy mcgrief grief

the thing about grief is, it's poignant. it's gorilla-glued to the
human condition. everybody, even if they can't identify with the
actual grief, can recognize it and that they might experience such a
feeling. that's why sad movies work. in the end, it feels like grief
is attractive, almost. <<<<I made this up. I have no data or
sources behind it.>>>>

i am grieving still, and grieving plenty. today I heard of a precious
friend who delivered her baby boy at six and a half months. Babies
don't live when they are born that early. this is also a weighty
grief. i can't even imagine...and i only lost my baby boy four months
or so before she did pregnancy-wise. So if you have some time, tell
God you care about her and her husband.

i have not been grief blogging, even though I often think about it.
mostly, it would just make me too sad, perhaps...or cry too much, and
i have Iris to take care of right now. but I know that I could write
lovely things about my grief, things that would make readers feel the
poignancy of it all, and maybe make them cry. and what I could write
would be beautiful. I would read them and think about how I was such a
good writer, and I would cry all over again. But this grief is
precious to me, because it continues to connect me to my son--and I
don't want to exploit that connection. So you won't hear much about it
here, for sure. And I might not even tell you that much about it to
your face. I don't know...I just... this grief is precious, but it is
for me and my family, not for the world. If I can tell how good Jesus
is, then I might share more to an individual, but otherwise... I don't
know. I will not be making it beautiful for public consumption. That
is all.

That said, because I know people do care about me and want to know how
I am doing: as far as I know, Jesus and Roy are doing a pretty good
job of taking care of me--I seem to, most days, be functioning nicely,
even though there is no telling what will make me grieve. I have never
been counseled for grief, though (even though when I was in therapy,
there was much grieving going on), so if you know more than I do about
grief and are worried for me, please talk to Roy. I __think__ that I
am doing okay. I've certainly never been as good as housekeeper. But
since I spent many years thinking I was awesome when I was, in fact, a
terrible terrible terrible unstable MESS, I am very cautious about
making self assessments. /self focus

How are you doing? What's going on in your life? Roy loves his job.
Iris is growing. We are moving, soon. MSU football is tomorrow!
Hurray!