things we need

people are always telling us, "if there's anything you need, let us know."

well, since they can't give us a whole night's sleep, i don't really
know what to say.

but i know what i want: a margarita. very badly.

life is getting more manageable. ...I think.

I got to run errands today and felt like a new person.

life is still hard...we haven't really fallen into a rhythm yet, and
Iris is getting bigger and so her eating schedule is changing anyway.
I'm not very good at patterns anyway, so this would be a struggle
anyway. But I do so much better with routine, so I don't know how
we'll work things out. We'll have to have some sort of schedule by the
time I go back to work, so I guess we'll work something out. Iris has
started sleeping longer, which is nice, but it makes feeding her
confusing. We are still bottle-feeding her breastmilk, so it's not
just a matter of letting her eat as much as she likes. But it's
cheaper than formula!

I did go to the lactaction doctor and was going to try straight-up
breast feeding, but I realized that my attempts just made me really
unstable. And since I'm high risk for post partum depression anyway, I
figured it was better to have a sane mommy...especially since she's
still getting breast milk. Maybe for our second kid, I'll have had
enough therapy and know what I"m doing enough to be a good breast
feeder. But I do like being sane.

This is not very coherent. Sorry. I still definitely feel like I'm not
sure what the heck I'm doing--and I'm still nervous about bathing
her--which is why she smells so milky. But we are both champion diaper
changers. And fortunately, Iris doesn't explode too many diapers.

Okay. I think I need to feed her.

She's really really precious. I tried to take pictures of her today,
but the camera batteries didn't work.