. . . that makes the wounded whole.

Iris just yelled "house!" in my ear

2010-10-26T16:37:00.000-05:00

Also she apparently loves cuddling with me when I'm full-term. This is sweet, cherishable, and really uncomfortable.

just trying to get my thoughts in order

2010-10-18T10:09:00.001-05:00

my mental to do list is going crazy, and all I really want to do is
lie down (lay down?) so I thought I'd come over here and see if
writing it down helps. some of these are just "things to do today" and
others are "things to do before Jonas comes"

I need to put Iris in clothes for today. Right now she's wearing
yesterday's top and no pants. Now that it's actually a bit chilly (I
think Huntsville actually has an autumn season!), I'm trying to get
back into the groove of dressing her every day. Bye-bye naked summer.

I need to wash clothes, fold clothes, and put clothes away. I can't
find any of my maternity clothes, well, not very many, which kinda
leaves me stuck at home because otherwise I'd show more tummy than is
appropriate. And boy do I have a lot of tummy to show. I'm also kinda
trying to figure out how to live with my summery maternity clothes and
the afore mentioned chilly weather. Right now I have one cardigan
that's long that I'm wearing and just buttoning right before my belly
starts, and I guess I can do that for a few more weeks. But we all
desperately need some clothes clean and put away. Laundry is my big
task for today.

I need to make a birth plan. But I want to do it well and in a way
that respects my doctor. He's really a high-risk doctor and he's the
head of obstetrics at the hospital (and I just found out last night he
does pro bono work at Choose Life, the local
more-than-a-crisis-pregnancy center), so I don't want to be all like,
"you don't know about how to have babies!" Most of what I want is in
response to my labor with Iris, which, of course, was all based on a
starting intervention, so I think a lot of it I don't really HAVE to
worry about, and my main concern is having a normal delivery and not a
c-section, so really, I think it should be fairly easy, but I just
want to make it appropriate to my new situation. And I would like to
have a natural birth if I can, but that's just not the most important
thing.

As regards to Jonas actually coming, I need to pack my hospital bag,
put sheets on his three sleeping places, trade dressers with him (more
clothes to put away) (all his clothes are washed with that special
baby detergent--he's not going to go naked, that one.) I also probably
need to fix food and freeze it, too, even though I'm not worried about
us I mean our going hungry. These Huntsville people really love us.
oh, also i need to find out what happens when you go the hospital--we
didn't go to birthing classes this time, so i don't really know what
to expect--i had to ask the doctor last week where we should even go.
(second floor of the womens and childrens building). also i guess i
should wash the boppy cover. oh, and i want to get a changing pad like
the pillowy kind.

let's see...what else is on my plate? i need to go grocery shopping
(we're out of milk).

it looks like the next thing is changing iris. she's running around
the house saying "pooppoo" and "peepee" and i just looked and she
already took her diaper off.

more about her later. she's being really cute lately.

long time no blog

2010-10-07T11:14:00.001-05:00

Ouch! Iris just kicked me. I think Jonas might have kicked me at the
same time. Assaulted without and within...what a life.

I just got an email from JCrew telling me that they miss me. I miss
them, too. But it will probably be a while until we are friends again.

I am four and a half weeks away from my due date. That means one and a
half from Jonas being full term. That means we have a lot to do to get
ready for this little man to come. Lots of clothes to wash and
furniture to re-arrange. Even though beyond that, I'm not sure what
needs to be done.

Iris is two now. She is just growing so much in all ways. She's
learning -- or at least repeating -- so many new words every day. I am
trying to start remembering to teach her the children's catechism, but
I don't always remember. I didn't learn all of it until I was nine,
so I guess I shouldn't put my expectations too high. But I still have
the bible I earned for saying it off. I just asked "who made you" and
she said "cow" -- obviously we still have a ways to go. :) We had her
two month doctor appointment and she was normal, even though
apparently she's a staph harbor. She really is such a joy to have
around. She watches too many TV shows right now, even though I've
decided not to feel too bad about it right this second because I am so
darn pregnant. also she definitely loves to run around--she makes a
playground out of our couches if I don't take her outside. she's
learned lots of words from Dora the Explorer, too--words like "bush"
and "cave" and "clock" among others. Her new favorite show is called
"Shaun the Sheep" except she just calls it "Cow!" Also she can say
some sentences--the most usual are "I want some X"--and "a-man" at the
end of prayers. She can recognize the difference between letters and
numbers and SOMETIMES she even gets them right. I think "B" and "2"
are her strongest ones. She's also excited about colors, though she
calls almost every color "red" -- especially green. Right now though,
she seems to get purple right almost every time. So, in short, she's
just a bundle of learning and cuteness. I am also about to learn how
to really braid her hair into little braids. Even though I don't spend
that much time on it right now, I should--and when Jonas comes, I
definitely will be distracted. Her hair is so long--when it's wet and
stretched out, her hair goes more than halfway down her back. Our
pediatrician offered to let me come over and watch her fix her
daughter's hair one night, so I might do that. Iris's hair is always
cute, but it isn't always _groomed_ looking. But she is just really
precious. She definitely makes us excited about welcoming more
children into our family.

The weather change has messed with all our sinuses--not really a great
time to get sick, but hopefully we'll be well before Jonas comes. I
think Iris might be the snottiest one. I am trying to incorporate my
neti pot into my routine and hope that will help. When you have to
wipe two snotty noses instead of just one, every little bit helps.

Also I have a routine of eating poached eggs on toast and coffee for
breakfast. I guess a month or two ago I bought one of my favorite
cereals and ate it for breakfast and it left me totally bereft of
energy, so I decided protein for breakfast was the way to go. I really
enjoy it, though I hope it's okay that I like my yolks runny. We also
recently acquired a french press which at least in my head, makes
making coffee so much easier. Having a breakfast routine makes so much
likelier to clean up the kitchen, just like putting my clothes on
before I go downstairs makes me more likely to want to do laundry and
put it away--it's fun finding clean clothes in my drawers. Hopefully
this will continue after pregnancy and not just be part of that darn
third trimester nesting thing. I know for most of you that is probably
a "duh" thing, but housekeeping has never really been my strong point.
But I really enjoy my eggs in the morning, and making breakfast for
Roy and Iris, too--usually eggs or oatmail. Today is Roy's day off,
though so I think we are having bacon, too.

RUF is going well, too--we really loves our job. or Roy's job?
Whatever--we love being in Huntsville and loving on A&M students. I am
looking forward to next semester when I will hopefully be able to be a
little more involved--I know that's ridiculous to say, when I'll have
two kids instead of one, but pregnancy is just not easy or comfortable
for me, and infants are so nice and portable. We have probably a group
of ten students that are committed. Some come to a Tuesday night bible
study on campus and some come to a Friday night fellowship time at our
house. Some come to both, too, but I don't know all of them. Roy,
after getting his family pretty well settled (his first assignment as
a new campus minister) is finally getting to have more of a presence
on campus. (He painted our entire downstairs, y'all--evidence that he
got us settled). Yesterday he joined the A&M gym, so he'll get to play
basketball on campus. Hurray! I think fundraising is going okay, too.
We should have a newsletter coming out soon, so if you aren't on that
train and want to be on it, let us know in the comments or by email.

I think some quick prayer requests are these: getting more freshman
involved, continued financial support, Roy's ordination stuff is
coming up this month and November, and balancing RUF and Jonas when he
comes. And for me, that I won't be sad when he actually goes to do his
job. This summer he got to spend so much time at home, getting
settled, and doing stuff in his home office we set up, but now that
he's mostly done with that, he has to actually leave the house to go
do his job. I'm so glad that we are now at that point, but Ima be
honest, I miss him a lot when he's gone--that time together was really
sweet. But since a) God's called him to be a CAMPUS minister and b) we
aren't independently wealthy, and c) we don't have an agrarian
lifestyle that would let him be around, even when he's working, I just
need to ...well, I'm not sure exactly what I need. maybe a content
heart or something. Also to realize that I can take my baby and leave
the house, too. Sometimes I forget that mommies and babies can go do
stuff, too, even though doing stuff with Iris is not always easy,
given how pregnant I am and how big her body is. We are still working
on regular obedience things, like not wandering off, and coming when i
call, etc., and just subjugating her (is that the right word?) by
picking her up is not really an option I can do all the time. I'm
pretty sure there's some kind of theological lesson in there, but I'm
going to let you tease it out.

We are building relationships with lots of cool people here in
Huntsville, too, and even getting to know some of our neighbors a
little bit. ALSO, a man just came to our door to tell us that the city
of Huntsville is going to come trim our trees because they are too
close to the power lines. For free. Also we can get free wood chips
from that same operation. This both explains why none of the trees in
our neighborhood look as old as the neighborhood, and totally blows my
mind. The level of city services in Huntsville--well, it might not be
amazing, but compared to Jackson is unbelievable. Of course,
Huntsville still has a tax base and everything, not to mention a
government supported economy, what with NASA and everything. But
still. Nice men just come by and say, "hey, we're going to trim your
trees so they don't cause power outages." Of course my heart is sad
about the trees losing their limbs, but it's nice to feel cared for.

My grandmother (my dad's mom) is in hospice now. She had a stroke last
week. She will be 89 in the 12th. She is comfortable, and responsive
at times, but we are not expecting recovery. We got to go visit with
her and actually most of my siblings last weekend (even though we had
to miss Iris's birthday party and a baby shower both in Huntsville),
and it was so good. Sad, of course, but so good to be there. Of
course, then we had to leave...leaving just a few family members there
to sit with her. I am not very good at bedside sitting when I am
almost nine months pregnant, so I feel like I was not very helpful,
but we left just a few people to do a big job. So, pray for that, too,
that Grandmother would continue to be comfortable, and that the family
there would be able have perseverance and grace and strength, and be
able to have some sort of normality as they adjust their schedule to
grandmother's needs.

Also the weather changed on me, so suddenly, it seemed. Boo on
maternity clothes that you only need for a month.

Sorry, this is kinda a mishmash of information about us. At some
point, I might actually have some sort of thoughtful post about all
sorts of things, but for this is all I've got. Or maybe Roy will write
something. But I have to pick up tissue paper that's all over the
kitchen floor and wash some clothes, since there's no clothes in my
drawers right now -- or that can fit -- and so I can't dressed before
I come downstairs. Also we have baby clothes to wash. And furniture to
move. But Roy's going to move that.

Also, you can still come and visit us.

Love.

oh dear....

2010-08-22T17:21:00.001-05:00

"As the brain matures, one thing that happens is the pruning of the
synapses. Synaptic pruning does not occur willy-nilly; it depends
largely on how any one brain pathway is used. By cutting off unused
pathways, the brain eventually settles into a structure that's most
efficient for the owner of that brain, creating well-worn grooves for
the pathways that person uses most. Synaptic pruning intensifies after
rapid brain-cell proliferation during childhood and again in the
period that encompasses adolescence and the 20s. It is the mechanism
of "use it or lose it": the brains we have are shaped largely in
response to the demands made of them."

I guess this explains why I can't do math anymore, even though I used
to be pretty darn good at it."

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/22/magazine/22Adulthood-t.html?pagewanted=4&ref=general&src=me

iris is just like us.

2010-08-21T10:51:00.001-05:00

and the older she gets, the more we can tell. It's so encouraging for
me, especially, since it appears that most of my physical traits got
beaten by Roy's genes, to know that she has other traits, like
expressions, or weird preferences that I can say, "you got that from
me! sorry."

for instance, she is just like me in that when she's in the bath and
gets a hair on her hand, she cries until i take it off for her. you
might not know that about me, but I HATE disembodied hairs. it's one
of the grossest things ever. She is apparently just as disturbed by
them as I am.

and she is like roy in the way she keeps moving the stool that i like
to sit on while i cook (or wait for things to cook) back to the table
where it goes.

We think she is on the cusp of being ready to potty train. anybody
have any suggestions about best methods? she's still really young, but
she knows the ideas of peepee and poop and the potty, and doesn't like
being in wet diapers. additionally, it would be FANTASTIC to have only
one kid in diapers at a time.

also I have come to the realization that all the paper, journals,
sketchbooks, etc., that I have saved thinking I might one day develop
a creative genius were REALLY saved so that Iris could scribble on
them. It's so nice to know that they won't be wasted. We got her some
chunky crayons, and it's really amazing how her skills are developing.
She mostly colors on paper that we give her, but sometimes she gets on
the floor, too. And we write her name, for her, too: "EYE - ARE - EYE
- ESS, Iris!" when I say the "Iris" part, I alway make a line under
the word. I'm wondering if that will make her think her name always
has a line underneath it, but I guess that's what school is for, to
fix things like that.

Baby Jonas is due in eleven weeks and one day. We still have a lot to
do to get ready for him, but I think we'll be fine. If anyone has any
baby boy clothes they want to pass on to us, we'll take them. Also I
have been wondering about how to make the transition easier for Iris.
I really don't want to have to tell her that when she was little she
tried to hurt him or anything like that. She seems to be okay with
babies, but she also likes to play with their toys. And she is not
good at all with sharing with older kids. And Jonas will have to take
over a lot of things that she's thought of as hers, like her baby
swing and bouncy seat...I'm a little concerned. The whole big girl
concept doesn't seem to have too much weight with her yet. So, did you
do something to prepare your first child for the second? Iris will be
25 months when Jonas comes. My favorite plan is to get a pet that she
can spend time on/with and be distracted by, but then it seems silly
to add that to a household already going through upheaval. Am I making
too big a deal of this?

Also, soon the RUF at AAMU website will be live. We'll put the address
here as soon as it's up. I am kinda wary of publicly bragging on Roy,
because I just don't think he appreciates it like other people might,
but it's really great to see him get to be a minister of the gospel.
And the website looks great, too. But ask in me in person about him
and I can tell you how wonderful he is. Also, if you want to support
us, this might be the easiest way: www.ruf.org/donate/ or if you just
want to get a support letter and haven't, leave a comment. I think we
could send out emails with a pdf, even though I personally like
sending out paper copies. Our next support letter comes out in
September, but we can send you our summer one first. I'm really
excited about the start of our ministry here, even though I doubt I'll
be doing that much for it, besides taking care of Roy and opening our
home to students--not that I don't think that is important, because I
do, I just feel really PREGNANT.

Also, extra points go to the person who can guess why I love the name
Jonas. I'm thinking that Paula La and Caroline Kimbrough might have
the best chance at this.

Come see us in Huntsville. We have lots of room for guests, and it's
lots easier for me for people to come to my house instead of the other
way. Baby Jonas and I do not travel well.

27 weeks...

2010-08-09T09:35:00.001-05:00

Jonas can live outside the womb now if necessary. Hopefully he'll get
to stay in there for another 13 or 12 weeks or so, but he doesn't have
to!

Also, Iris pointed at my belly this morning and said "baby!" hopefully
that means she won't be too surprised when Jonas is born.

How are you?

Man, I've been blogging a lot lately...

2010-07-14T09:07:00.001-05:00

I think that means I should be loading my dishwasher.

Anyway, I just came across a new-to-me author (she died in 1974), and
I'm really excited about it. Funnily enough, I found her through the
ibooks application on my new iphone (I promise we're not consumerists,
I promise!)...I was trying to find cheap and not-too-dirty romance
stories to read (yes, it's true...I like books like that. I'm a sucker
for happy endings), and amid all the descriptions of beautiful people
at cross purposes with burning passions (and men without shirts on the
cover), I found these books that had all recently been reprinted, and
also issued in digital editions...and they didn't sound like they'd be
scandalous! Hurray! So, even though I ended up paying $9.99 for what
is really a bunch of ones and zeros, I really enjoyed the book I ended
up purchasing: The Convenient Marriage, by Georgette Heyer. Roy would
really prefer that we get tangible books, and ultimately, I would too,
but it's hard to resist just pushing a button and having several hours
of enjoyment, even though I know that digital editions are such a
headache in the publishing world. Anyway, the book was sweet with
clever dialogue, and I'm planning on going to the library today,
getting my library card, and checking out some paper copies of other
of Georgette Heyer's books. According to wikipedia, she originated the
"Regency Romance" genre. So, yeah. These books don't make me confront
a lot of stuff, but you know, really, let's be honest: all the issues
that I appreciate being raised in literature are basically right here
with me in real life. It is probably more accurate to say that I
appreciate consciousness-raising literature, rather than enjoying it,
in most cases.

I have to get Iris more juice.

something I want to remember

2010-07-11T21:48:00.001-05:00

well, let's just talk a little about Iris's evening in general, and
then get to the really sweet part:

I was folding some clothes, and she put them back in the hamper. So,
that was cute. Then she put her blocks back in the bag, which I was
really proud of, until she dumped them out as soon as the bag was
full. But she was really helpful about putting them in the bag--she
even carried four at once to put them in the bag.

Then, and this has happened maybe once or twice before, she took off
her diaper, headed upstairs, and climbed in the tub. I wasn't
necessarily planning on bathing her, even though she needed it because
I was tired, but if your kid climbs in the tub, you really have to.

But the thing I want to remember for sure is that after bathtime was
over, she climbed in my lap, all towelled, and we just started singing
her name "Iris, Iris, Iris." It was super-sweet.

Okay. That's all.

More disconnected thoughts--hurray!

2010-07-10T23:35:00.001-05:00

I just washed all my dishes that won't fit into the dishwasher...now I
just need to empty it, fill it, and run it again. Yeah! But I got to
listen to music while I was working (Randy Travis's Great Hits), and
it was surprising what a difference it made. All our other houses were
too small to really listen to my own music without getting on Roy's
nerves. Even though he did actually buy me that CD, it's not easy for
him to listen to country--it's much easier for me to listen to his
"socially-conscious hip-hop." So the past three years haven't really
been a time for me to listen to my own music that much. And I'm not
complaining about it--certainly my musical experience has been widened
and enriched by participating in Roy's music. But there is nothing
like listening to the music that you loved at first. I am not very
good at being diligent in the kitchen--I either look at it and think
"that's going to take forever--I'll just do it later" or "that's not
going to take too long--I'll do it later" and then, of course, it's
"later" and all I want to do is go to sleep. Anyway, I am getting
better about running the dishwasher, AND I can't stay on my feet for
too long, so I don't feel bad about sitting down and eating a
Marshmallow Supreme from the freezer and blogging. Lately the internet
has been pretty boring for me, so I guess I'll put something into it
and see if we can get something back out.

Also today, when it comes to housekeeping, I have hung two loads of
clothes out on the line, and washed one. That doesn't make too much
sense because Roy washed a load yesterday, so I hung it up today (it
took us a while to find the clothesline), and then I washed a load and
hung it up--it's drying right now. I hope it finishes before dark.
[Sidenote: baby is kicking me.] Having clothes on the line DEFINITELY
makes me want to do more laundry (also something I'm usually not to
eager about), even though that first load is sitting in the sun room,
waiting to be folded, so I haven't gotten the whole process completed.
But my clothes smell AMAZING, and my towels make me think of the
Bivins, and I feel like I am saving money and the environment, and
getting more exercise than is my wont. It's nice to have a reason to
be glad it's hot. Hopefully, we will get a dryer soon, for the winter
and emergencies, etc., but for now, I just feel really cool with my
clotheslines and my two knots that I know that are holding them all
together. We think we really like our $90 Craigslist washer, but
there's some leakage that's going on during the first half of the wash
cycle that we are concerned about.

I just heard Iris waking up (really weird nap cycle today)...I'll be back.

[three hours later....]

So we are not sure exactly what's wrong with Iris, but we think she
has a tummy ache. She actually threw up yesterday, twice, so we ended
up taking her to the doctor (whom we met in Costco!). Actually, Roy
ended up taking her to the doctor, because *I* was at the OB, getting
my first visit in since late May. Fortunately, the pediatrician we met
has an office just down the street from my doctor. Roy was able to
take Iris, get her seen, and still get back to my doctor in time to
see the ultrasound! Tada! We're having a boy. ...back to my born
child--the doctor said it was probably just the start of a virus or
something, but Iris has just been a little weird all day...tired, but
not really sleepy. We watched a LOT of Dora the Explorer. I was
reluctant to put her to bed-bed, because I kinda wanted to be closer
to her if something did go wrong (i.e., more vomiting OR crazy poop),
but even though she would stretch out and cuddle with her blanket, as
long as she wasn't in HER bed, she wasn't going to sleep. I'm afraid
she gets this from me. So we just put her in the crib and hopefully
things will go okay.

I really want her to be in a good mood tomorrow because Roy is
preaching at one of the churches in town tomorrow, and then we're
having dinner/lunch with a family afterwards. Sundays are never easy
for our nap schedule, but if she's cranky to start out with, I'll be
worried. And pregnant Emily doesn't deal with cranky Iris as well as
one could hope. Also we have to be at church at 7:45, and it's 20
minutes away, and there's two services, and because of the throwing
up, I'm wondering if it's even ethical to put Iris in the nursery. She
might do fine in church, and she might be a menace...it's hard when
Roy's in the pulpit and not sitting with us. (Hurray for RUF!!!!)
Anyway, I'm thinking we'll go to early service, me-n-Iris, and then
see if she can get a nap during the late service. Hopefully her tummy
won't cause problems, either.

My new favorite part of the house is the sun room. We finally cleared
it out/cleaned it up--for the longest time it was just a messy
compendium of Iris's toys and random contents of boxes, some of which
Iris had investigated and strewn the contents everywhere. But Roy
spent some time in there, and I helped a little, and now it's pretty
amazing. It's the best at night, though, because it's cool, and you
can hear the cicadas. It's so peaceful. Iris has been up when it's
been dark lately, and we have family time (not really on purpose) in
there--she and Roy play and roughhouse, and I lie (lay?) on the sofa
and take pictures of them. It's pretty sweet.

Also, about our baby being a boy. We're excited, even though as Roy
said, there's always a sort of letdown after you find out. What did
move my emotions was when people said, "oh, so you'll have a boy and a
girl--are you done?" That kinda made me mad. And actually, that we
want to have a bunch of kids is pretty important in our life and in my
birth desires. And by bunch, I mean no more than five. It used to be
that they said after one c-section, that you were done having babies,
and then it was two, and now they don't really mind as much--the
doctor that did Iris's c-section said he'd done 8 c-sections for one
lady, and my current doctor said he'd done a fifth one for someone
just the other day. But all the likelihood percentages of worrisome
things go up the more c-sections you have, so that's why I want to
avoid them. My doctor said that it was fine for me to have a trial of
labor, but he wouldn't let me go longer than 41 weeks... at that
point, I probably won't care, anyway, but if you would go ahead and
pray that I would go into labor all by myself, before 41 weeks, and
have an uncomplicated birth, I'd really appreciate it. I'm going to
find a doula to help, too, so that should be good to have an advocate.
So, little Jonas Martin should be here no later than November 14th.
Jonas is a variant of Jonah, and we just like it....even though
writing it and making it real is a different feeling than talking
about hypothetical Jonas. Martin is for Roy's deceased brother Martin,
Martin Luther, AND Martin Luther King. I forget what Martin means, but
Jonas/ah means "dove." I'll look Martin up real quick--hold on:
funnily enough, it means "martial, war-like." I wonder what Ghandi's
name meant.

I can feel him more more and more, too--at one point, he and Iris were
both kicking me. Yes!

He's moving right now, actually...I'm not sure if he wants me to eat
or sleep, but I don't quite feel like doing either.

Let's see, what else did I want to say?

Oh! One of our neighbors gave us tomatoes from his garden AND told Roy
he would mentor him in becoming a gardener. When I knew that we had
tomatoes, I bought bacon and lettuce and even though we had plenty of
leftovers to eat from when we had two potential RUF students over, I
kept making BLTs until all the bacon and tomatoes were gone.
SOoooooooooooooo good.

I finally have clothes that fit...or that are too big, which at this
point is just as good. Hmmm...I think I might have some pie and
ice-cream.

Oh, our other news is that we got iphone-4's. I've finally joined the
smartphone nation. Roy had a blackberry before, but it just wasn't
working like it should, and campus ministers said that iphones were
really the way to go. It's funny how ashamed I feel that I have
something _nice_. When I was out clothes shopping the other day and
had to sit down and eat lunch, the bus boy saw it ('cause I was
texting with Roy), and said, "Oh, is that an Iphone 4? Can I look at
it?" I felt so silly. But I did let him hold it. HOWEVER, the good
thing about my having an iphone is that now I can take LOTS of
pictures of Iris (and later of Jonas)(and Roy's gardening exploits).
Our old camera, which probably has the same megapixels as my phone had
battery problems and was difficult to use. So: if you want to see
current pictures of us, especially Iris, check out my latest facebook
album. Sorry, we don't put pictures on the blog. That's what we have
words for! (joke). Also if you can see the pictures of Christy's
wedding, they are gorgeous and you should look at them. I love my
wedding the best, of course, but hers was AMAZING.

And, Roy took three written presbytery exams and has some more stuff
to do actually at a presbytery meeting, but he's on the way to getting
ordained in November. Pray that I DON'T go into labor on that day. :)

Okay. I think I need to eat something. Or go to bed.

Much love!

not very much connected thoughts

2010-07-01T16:51:00.001-05:00

I'm pretty sure our aged furniture is begging us to get a trampoline.
Someone likes to jump on the rolly chair.

Someone is also 21 months today. Not only does that mean we have an
almost two-year-old, it means I should be giving birth in four months
plus a week or something.

I woke up before everybody else today and lay in bed thinking about
giving birth (especially not having a c-section), and auditing
classes. Does that make them my idols? Then I told Roy I was bored,
but he wouldn't wake up.

The way Iris's hair bounces when she's in motion pretty much defies
description, but it's really dynamic.

After a couple weeks of home again gone again, we are finally going to
be home for three straight weeks. Maybe we'll finally get to throw our
boxes out! The stinking garbagemen came much earlier than they have
been on pick up day, so we missed them.

My baby just kicked. We are going to go to the doctor next week, and
hopefully we'll find out that everything is fine and that the baby has
a specific sex. I will likely put it on facebook, but in as low key a
way as possible. I hate seeing people getting congratulated for having
a boy or a girl, or people saying that boys are the best or girls are
the easiest (or vice versa). We value both sexes equally here at the
Hubbard house, and especially since there's more variation AMONG the
sexes than BETWEEN them, all the hoopla about the sex just kinda
annoys me. Sorry...my mad social scientist got out of hand. We are
hoping for a boy, just for diversity, but certainly we will welcome
another little girl. Iris has certainly been a joy, even if I still
struggle with keeping her hair groomed.

Oh! we've sent out our first support letter from Alabama A&M RUF--let
us know your address if you didn't get a copy and you want one.
Additionally, sometimes my dad (hint hint) will put them online, too.
Basically, it's wonderful here and we need to raise money and get
prayed for.

I have to show Roy the maternity clothes I'm going to get now.

Love!

getting ready for father's day (or fathers' day)

2010-06-15T21:17:00.001-05:00

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/15/science/15fath.html

vivid dreams

2010-06-02T09:42:00.001-05:00

My subconscious is deeply concerned with the phrase "strange fruit."
All I had to do was read it yesterday and my dreams turned into
meditation about the dangers of white supremacy to my family--so much
so that even in my dream I dreamed I couldn't sleep because I was
worried about it; I kept thinking..."50 years or more ago, my husband
would have been killed and his body desecrated because he loved me." I
couldn't figure out what would have happened to me or Iris. But in my
dream I was trying to sleep, but couldn't because I was so worried.

Additionally, there was some kind of international manhunt that I was
involved in--a la Dan Brown, really--and a man in charge of a prison
or something in Venice invited me over for curried rice. He had a
sweet young daughter, but by the end of the night, he had disappeared.
While I was in Venice (no, I don't know why that's important), there
was a duct-taped leg hanging from a tree; I was afraid to look and see
if it was connected to a body. I can't remember if I was more worried
that it was the man I had dinner with or the man I was supposed to be
finding--I can't remember if the man I was looking for was a good guy
or a bad guy during the civil rights movement, but I was looking for
him in a Venetian prison, if that tells you anything.

Just to reassure you, Huntsville had be wonderful in this regard. We
actually bought our house from a mixed couple (she said, "we were
mixed before it was cool"), and they said that they never had any
problems, even years n years ago. We feel very comfortable here. I
think I'm just troubled by southern racial history in general, as well
as the societal institutions that I am connected to and the roles they
played.

Okay... that's all. maybe I'll have a more cheerful post later on.

we made it!

2010-05-24T13:29:00.001-05:00

by the grace of God, we made it safely to Huntsville after leaving at 3-something AM. I left before the truck was loaded all the way because Iris had to spend the night in the car seat and had woke and was gettin' cranky. I was doing fine on adrenaline until I got to Pelahatchie...I had to pull over behind a line of 18-wheelers and wait for Roy to catch up to me. Then he was super tired, so we stopped in Morton --at a super nice gas station-- and got drinks and corndogs. Dee-licious. That was about at four. Roy also got a "five hour energy drink."

We stopped at Meridian for more coffee and Iris and Roy had some breakfast--I should have gotten some, but I just got coffee. Gross McDonalds coffee. Then, on the east side of Tuscaloosa, I realized I needed to eat, rightaway, so we exited...right before I got to the stop sign, I started throwing up while I was driving. I was able to brake and just hang out the window, but continued to throw up all the way into the Burger King parking lot. That's pretty much the grossest thing that's happened to me in my life. And then the Burger King was gross, too. but it was better than throwing up. I'm just thankful that I wasn't on the interstate when it happened.

That was our last stop--we managed to hang on until we got to Huntsville! I was fifteen minutes ahead of Roy because I found it much easier to stay awake going seventy than sixty. ALSO, apparently everyone speeds on I-65. However, when I got on 565, everyone was going less than the speed limit. It was very confusing. So we got to our NEW HOUSE!!!!!

Iris and I just hung out waiting for Roy to get there, but when he arrived we had some trouble figuring out the best way to get that huge truck into the driveway. Roy had been up foro more than 24 hours at that point. I'd gotten a tiny nap, but wasn't much better. Anyway, he got there, and we had nap time/relax time in the sunroom--we got there maybe 2 hours before the people who helped us move came.

THOSE FOLKS came with tons of food and drinks and a lawnmower, and were so helpful and kind. As soon as they got a chair for me, I just sat in the chair and directed traffic. They even brought me a plate of food! I don't really remember what happened after they had unloaded. I think we must have fallen asleep.

Iris loves the new house and having room to run around--even though it'll be easier once we've gotten more boxes out of the way. I get really tired, so we are unpacking pretty slowly. Sunday we definitely RESTED...I put my poor body and baby through a lot during the moving time, so I'm trying to make sure we both get plenty of rest. Iris has only fallen down the stairs once--and there's a landing halfway through (then it changes direction)--so she can't fall all the way down.

I have a headache so I'm going to stop now. Keep praying. Thanks and Love.

Emily (and company)

this made me cry

2010-05-13T12:56:00.001-05:00

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/05/09/fashion/09Love.html?pagewanted=2&sq=modern%20love&st=cse&scp=2

note to self

2010-05-10T11:34:00.001-05:00

sometimes when Iris refuses something that I put near her mouth, it doesn't mean she doesn't want it--it means she wants to feed it to herself.

meals I want to have before we move

2010-05-01T16:04:00.001-05:00

at least three different dishes from Saigon
pesto pasta from Broadstreet
more Indian food
a superburger from Cool Al's/Stamps
creme brulee from Fresh Market
ribs from Sweet Daddy's (aka the gas station down the street)

I wish we could have food prepared by the Dotson's, but they are already gone.

also, in Starkville,
Little Dooey's, City Bagel, Bulldog Deli, Scheherazade's/whatever its new name is, and maybe the MSU cafeteria.

a part of a poem?

2010-04-29T19:57:00.001-05:00

something about "spontaneous [toddler] kisses, drippy/sloppy with cheetos"

yeah, iris just came up to me and stuck her face up to kiss me. it was precious and gross...cause she had been eating cheetos.

an historic moment

2010-04-27T20:43:00.001-05:00

Tonight, I french-braided Iris's hair. I had to bribe her with milkduds to make her stay still enough to do so, but I did it!

I thought I had more to say, but I forgot it.

i feel a blog coming on...

2010-04-17T10:04:00.001-05:00

Well, on Sunday, I'll be eleven weeks pregnant. So that's exciting. I'll take any soft tacos from Taco Bell you want to bring me.

This is my fourth pregnancy. It looks like this baby is gonna make it, but I don't like calling him/her our second baby. Just an FYI. Having healthy babies doesn't fix the grief and hurt of losing babies. That said, I don't want to be someone who is all into an identity of baby-loss. But sometimes, it does just bubble up.

I just made eggs and sausages for breakfast (right after I wrote that previous paragraph). But they didn't really make me happy, even though Roy and Iris enjoyed it. I ate some, though, and hopefully it'll be enough to hold me over. Besides the tiredness, the not-enjoying-eating is what gets to me the most about pregnancy. However, it's a good sign of little JoLo's health, so I am trying not to complain TOO much.

We have a contract on a house in Huntsville. We are not going to be making a big deal about it until we close, though. I didn't really realize how much buying a home was a process, not an immediate thing. But hey, time to be grown ups! There will be more details when we get to close, which, Lord-willing, will be the end of the month.

I got to go to Jackson State's RUF last week because Roy preached. It was really fun--like, REALLY fun. It made me really excited about having "our own" students at A&M. I don't know if the students at A&M are like the JSU students, but hopefully, they'll be as excited about RUF.

Iris is learning and growing like CRAZY. She can say all sorts of fun things, including "no-mi" [no ma'am] (okay, so that one isn't as fun as others), and she's talking ALL the time, even though we don't usually know what she's saying. She calls most animals "dau-ee" [doggy], but sometimes she also says "bird" or "kitty." She has also started using silverware. I am absolutely thrilled about this one (or I would be if I didn't have a thousand other things to worry about), because I mostly let her eat with her fingers, and didn't even feed her with utensils, but she has decided that she wants to use utensils. Now if I can just figure out how to make her keep her spoon right-side-up, we'll be golden. She also really likes our broom. We're going to have to get her a little one so she won't knock stuff over with the handle. It's so fun to think she'll be a big sister in just what...crap, I'm so bad at math lately...eleven minus four is SEVEN. SEVEN months she'll be a big sister. well, I guess, six and a half.

I had to give my two weeks notice at work on Thursday (well, two weeks and one day). It was really bittersweet. Of course, I am so excited to go to Huntsville, have another baby, minister to students, etc. But I LOVE(d) my job. It really matched my gifts and abilities, my co-workers were great, and I got to help make and sell BOOKS. I love books, and we make really good ones at the press. I have four more days there (since I only work two days a week), and I'm hoping that I won't be too sad. It's funny, it is true that now that I know when I'm leaving, the foibles of my co-workers really have been getting to me, so on the one had, leaving will be a relief, but I'm still going to miss it. I am hoping that maybe I can do some sort of work for them in Huntsville, over the internet, but I don't know if it'll work out.

Um, oh what else. Oh, I read two books lately, well I've read more than that, but only two are worth of comment. One I forgot the title of--wait--I remember, BETWEEN THE TIDES. It was alright, except that it was set in the Carolinas and had a SOUTHERN UNIVERSITY in it. IN CAROLINA! I couldn't believe that they had somehow missed that there was already a Southern University in Louisiana...and theirs definitely didn't have the same racial makeup as the real one. So I was really bothered by that, even though the story was fine. The other book I read was THE HELP. That of course, has a lovely story, but it was written in presence tense. It was set in the sixties but the speakers/narrators were speaking in the present tense. I don't understand why people think that's cool. So annoying. However, it was funny to recognize names and places in the story. Did anyone think the present tense HELPED the story? (ha...pun not intended).

Well, I think that's about all for now. Talk to you later.

grocery list

2010-03-23T23:12:00.001-05:00

milk
benedryl (store brand plain)
canned soup, low sodium, chicken flavors
canned diced tomatoes
bread
v8 fruit juice
fruit--bananas, grapes, etc.
peanut butter (not too much sugar)
crackers?
potatoes
cereal
sandwich meat
sausage
ziplock bags
nekots
ginger ale (brand with lowest sugar content)
chips
goldfish
yogurt (whole)
pop corn
cokes
rice
straws or straw sippy cups

thanks!

Happy Anniversary to us!

2010-03-10T11:17:00.001-06:00

What a great day!

Three years ago today (probably at around 7 pm), I got married to the best man in the world, not counting Jesus. He cried a lot, but I didn't. The music was so good, I wanted to jump up and down on the stage (but I didn't). We had caramel cake and Breyer's icecream and dancing. The flowers were beautiful, all real spring flowers, in some cases harvested from people's yards (potentially without their consent!). And Keith Berger said, "He loves you not because you are beautiful, but because He is making you beautiful."

These past three years have been so much better walking alongside ol' Roy. His wit and sometimes just weirdness keep me laughing, his strength and hugs and absolute faith in God's care for us have sustained me during terrible times.

It's hard to look back and think of those years as wonderful. Full of wondering, but not exactly wonderful. It has been so good good good to be with Roy, but the being a family part has been hard. We have lost two babies--but only gotten one to hold. It's taken us three years to find a job that we love and that seems like it's going to provide financial stability. And we are still learning about each other, how to fight, how to parent, how to fight about parenting, how to be grown ups...we have just begun! I don't think Keith said it at our wedding (I couldn't listen that well, to be honest), but I know he's said it at lots of others, that marriage is hard, but good, and I can't really add to that. It has been terribly hard--so many hard things that wouldn't have happened if we hadn't gotten married, but it has been beyond good...so many good things that couldn't have happened without our marriage, including but not limited to a beautiful girl named Iris.

God has been so good to us, and I am so thankful to him for putting me and Roy together.

It seems like just yesterday we drove off to the reception, went to Wendy's, and then to the Lion's park because we were waiting for my dad to take the presents to our apartment so we could spend our night there. Yes. It was delightfully awkward. And I forgot to get serving utensils for the reception food.

I'm pretty sure I had the best wedding ever.

Tonight we are planning on eating our favorite food and watching our wedding DVD. I'm looking forward to it.

tomorrow (that is wednesday)

2010-03-09T00:26:00.001-06:00

Is our three year anniversary.

this is not a loveydovey post, even though i'm thinking about doing one, but I just wanted to make sure that we marked it.

our first anniversary (at my instigation) we went to see Obama at JSU but didn't actually make it into the place where he was. I was pregnant with Iris.
our second anniversary, i have vague memories of maybe being sick and having saigon at home. Iris was five months then i think?
I'm not quite sure what's happening on Wednesday, but I hope it involves getting out of the house and actually being able to do what we planned.

THE END

baby brag

2010-03-02T12:56:00.001-06:00

or complaint.

It has seemed like Iris has been extra bad this week and last, like she's practicing for being two. Also, there have been extreme amounts of drool. I finally stuck my finger in the dragon's mouth today and lo and behold, besides the four extremely sharp teeth already in there, there are four HUGE bumps, one with a tiny sharp bit poking through. The best part about it is that she has been getting her hands on medicine bottles (we've had some antibiotics lately) and holding them up to us, like she's saying "give me some pain killer, fools!" I guess she's communicating in her own little way.

Also she likes her PB sandwiches open face, and loves to play on the computer...even though I'm trying to discourage that one. But I know she's just modeling me, so I guess I should get off and take her outside!

Much love to all.

Emily

I am so tired

2010-02-22T15:58:00.002-06:00

but I guess that means I've been busy, and that is good.

I don't think this will be very coherent, but whatever. I feel like making a post. (ps. i just debated for a good ten seconds about whether I should say "entry" or "post" ; both of them sounded too formal to me.)

New things: I like my egg yolks runny. This is very new and different. I guess it's from my spate of poached eggs eating, but now even my fried eggs I like them not to be solid. This preference makes me wonder if I'm turning into a different person.

Of course, I never thought I'd be living in Alabama, either, so that is also a new thing. I spent years hating Alabama for the same reason I hated Columbus....they were right beside us and better than us. Oh well.

Also, this job puts me in some pretty good company. A lot of amazing women are campus minister's wives. (should that first apostrophe be after the s?). Both of the interns who were at State while I was in college are married to campus ministers. And then there are other cool ladies, too. I'm really looking forward to being part of that group. (There's even a facebook group...maybe I should join.)

Iris is growing growing growing. This morning she found a pen, pulled my notebook-calendar off the table, and scribbled all over the front page. Also she's definitely right handed.

I have gotten a lot accomplished today and I'm tired, so I think I'm going to go sit on the couch.

Before I go, a confession: I would rather be pregnant than skinny. [not for always, just for right now] [NO THIS IS NOT AN ANNOUNCEMENT]

The end.

AND WITH THE NUMBER ONE PICK.....

2010-02-17T14:43:00.001-06:00

Huntsville selects the young Roy Hubbard, out of Louisiana State University and Reformed Theological Seminary. Accompanying him will be Emily Hubbard, from Mississippi State University, and Iris Hubbard. Hubbard is known for his teaching gifts and great pull-up jumper.

Yes, folks, that's right, we have received a call, and it's not on the telephone! Lord willing, in late May or early June, we'll be headed to Huntsville, Alabama--ROCKET CITY! Roy is going to be the founding RUF campus minister at Alabama A&M, an HBCU (historically black college/university) there, and the alma mater of our dear friend Elbert McGowan. The campus is ready for Roy to be there--we've heard of a hunger AND we already have written permission to be on campus...so we are absolutely thrilled to have this opportunity, even though I never did think I would live in Alabama. Shows what I know.

If you're familiar with our job search history, you'll know that we interviewed in Huntsville LAST year around this time, but there were other opportunities on the table, and, to put it bluntly, we just weren't feeling it. Also it snowed, and I was really cold the whole time. But all the other chances fell through, and so we stayed in Jackson for this year, trying to get Tougaloo back on track. I remember telling people, "well, apparently God wants us in Jackson." And he did. This year has been good, but hard, and humbling, but Roy's gotten to use his teaching gifts to the glory of God; I know that he has been able to touch lives. And I've gotten the chance to make some sweet friendships and learn more about my place in the kingdom (to be pretty non-specific). When we heard that Providence Presbytery was still interested in us THIS year, we kinda sat down (actually, we drove around Jackson) and thought about our previous experience with Huntsville, and how we hadn't really been faithful to appropriately seek God's will regarding it. How comforting to know that even in our failings, God doesn't let go of his plans for us.

And so we are excited and the Huntsville people are excited that we are coming.

So though we'll be sad to leave Jackson (and I'll be sad to leave Mississippi) and our family and relationships and Redeemer Church and Saigon and my job at the University Press, and all the not-quite-babies-anymore that Iris was born with, we are, we really are, so GLAD to know where our little corner of the kingdom is supposed to be, and we are so ready to go out there and start putting down roots and taking dominion.

Huntsville is in the foothills of the Appalachians AND two hours away from Chattanooga, where my sister and a couple cousins live AND one of Roy's best friends, and closer to Atlanta, too, where more of my family is. It's definitely farther from Starkville, so that is sad, but on the other hand, Alabama A&M's mascot is the Bulldog and their colors are maroon and white, so maybe I'll just feel so at home I won't even miss Starkville. (Okay, that's not really going to happen.) But I am especially looking forward to being able to do lots of outdoorsy stuff -- and having good friends come to do it with me. Iris might be a woodswoman by the time she's old...if she doesn't turn into a space geek.

There's already an RUF at UA-Huntsville, so Roy will have a co-worker right in town. There's also a multi-racial church plant, that, though it won't be Redeemer, will be great to be involved with. [sorry that sentence ended with a preposition].

So, our story is that we have had two interviews--one with the Presbytery RUF committee and one with the state RUF committee. Now we have do have a mini-assessment, raise some money (still fuzzy on the details about that one), find a place to live, and Roy has to get ordained. His last day of school here is May 21, so you Jacksonians bear that in mind.

Please pray for all that to work out. Pray for the students at A&M, that God would be already preparing them for Roy's ministry to them. I'm sure we'll be sending a support letter out shortly, so let us know if you'd like to get one. We'll put cute pictures of Iris in it...you know you want it!

The End.

a few observations

2010-02-11T22:52:00.001-06:00

1) it's snowed so often, it's not really exciting anymore. Maybe Iris will like it? Also, I hope Clinton public schools cancel.

2) I think I have pinkeye, along with a sinus infection, and might be battling other stuff too. I don't want to go to the doctor, but I'm really tired of being sick.

3) Iris had a little fever last night, and I think her head cold might have travelled down to her chest. Boo.

4) I just watched the movie "Penelope" and really enjoyed it.

5) Roy just got home from RUF. Hurray!

fairies

2010-01-23T17:00:00.001-06:00

I spent most of the day on my couch or in my bathroom, thanks to a stomach bug or food poisoning, but my house is definitely cleaner than it was this morning. I guess we either have housecleaning fairies or our household contains the World's Best Husband.

Also, Iris is in this fantastic (ish?) stage where we can just give her a piece of bread if she's hungry. Not that we do it all the time, but I wish I were content with just bread when I was hungry.

Also, props to Smoothie King's Angelfood smoothie for making me feel better and not worse. Purcell, if you read this, I always associate you with the Angelfood flavor.

Watch this space for other interesting information.

a rare book-review

2010-01-13T11:29:00.001-06:00

I don't usually do book reviews. I don't like to read them or write them. I might enjoy hearing a friend's opinion of a book, but I'd rather read a book myself and form my own opinion rather than going in with preconceived notions. So it won't hurt my feelings if you don't read the following. But I think...or, rather, I hope that this book can be an important book.

A friend gave me the book Being White: Finding Our Place in a Multiethnic World. It's by Paula Harris and Doug Schaupp, and published by Intervarsity Press. (Of course. ...from what I've heard IV is the only campus ministry that has already been really striving to deal with race stuff in a constructive and effective way [no offense to RUF].

Of course I was immediately interested in the title. While I don't "struggle" with being white, necessarily, it's not really my favorite thing about me. My life pre-integration (personal integration, not Brown-v.-Board) really has very little to recommend itself, my greatest hurts have been at the hands of white people, the white church provided very little soul balm while I was going through the hardest time of my life. I still love British literature, my white friends, and country music. ...I mean, I'm a white girl. I'm not even like a white-hip-hop girl. I'm just white. But as long as I can keep British literature and my white friends...and maybe country music, I don't mind leaving most of the rest of white culture.

But the people I love the most are "of color." What's most important to them is now most important to me. What happens to them happens to me. Even though I have greater freedom and privilege when I'm by myself, when I am with my family, I bear their burdens with them, and of course, chief of the burdens are racism and oppression. I am there with my family.

But I also HATE HATE HATE telling black women that my baby is mixed, or that my husband is black. I know that there are not enough black men to go around and honestly, I got probably the best one. But I also hate it when I know that people who meet me assume my husband is white. So I'm trying to use color as a descriptor more myself, "oh, is he a white man?" This is in part to fight my own tendency to assume someone is white unless there's hints otherwise. However, even though in my house, (especially when my brother-in-law is over), there are color words like "red, yellow, dark, (and my own personal favorite:) lightskinneded, I don't use those words. I just stick with white and black --even though if I were going to be REALLY good about this, I should also ask if people were Asian or Latino/a.

Sorry I haven't gotten to the book review part. The whole concept of "being white but not with white people" is something I've been half-thinking about for a while now, and this is giving me a good chance to think it out more fully, and hopefully will help me be a better reviewer of the book. Gives me some actual credibility. Sorry my path to getting there is so torturous.

Another aspect of this that I've been having to think about is when I leave my family and go back just around white people again. ...Frequently, this means I have to be an educator. I dislike this intensely, mostly because my stomach still gets nervous when I have to speak up, but also because people should by now really know better. ...right? This summer I had a conversation/argument/discussion with a sweet, sweet girl who said that the punishment for slavery on America was that all white people were immediately thought of as racist. I didn't even have words to respond.

[Sidenote: it is tremendously fun to write "family" and mean me, my husband, and my baby (and sometimes my brother-in-law).]

So, you see, my life can be really tricky. People I dearly love can say the most terrible things about people whose interests I consider my own, and not even know what they've done, and people who I would rather befriend may consider me worse than a thief, and sometimes when my husband is talking to his brother I can't understand either of them (this partly because they are from New Orleans, but not wholly). And let's not even get into the complicatedness of beautiful and "good grade" of hair. It's weird to be white in a family of color. I wouldn't want to be in any other family, except maybe Billy and Marian Joseph's...and then only if Roy and Iris could come too, but it can be mentally and emotionally taxing (duh) in ways that people in uni-racial families don't have to worry about.

So. I was really looking forward to seeing what this book had to say about being white in a multiracial world.

Well, this wasn't the book to help me with that. I'll just have to talk to Roy more often for my current white problems. But this is a good book for getting to be where I am, if that doesn't sound too full of hubris. The back of the book says "[the authors] present a Christian model of what it means to be white." In secular terms, though, what the book is really about is learning to be socially conscious, or, as one of my black friends say, being "down." It's an easy and gentle read. I usually read fiction books, so I feel like I should say "spoiler alert!!" before I go on to talk about the content of the book more, but ...I'll try not to be that dorky. The authors are both white: one is married to a Korean American, one was married to an African and so has mixed kids--now she's married to a Hungarian. But both of them have had significant experience in relationships with other races.

[Confession: I skimmed parts of it that were not new to me.]

They have five "stages" of being white. Really, though, they mean "godly white" or something. Let's calling "down white." The first is ENCOUNTER, then FRIENDSHIP, then DISPLACEMENT, then WHITE IDENTITY, then the JUST COMMUNITY. Since I work at a publishers, I can't in good conscience give the meat of the book away, but there were two parts of it that really struck me. One was the displacement stage. By that, they mean consciously becoming part of a group where you-the-white-person are a minority. I've done that, and it is pretty important...it's so weird to be the only white person in the room. (I should put that sentence in past tense, because now it's normal...it's weird to only be with white people now. ) I also got the same feeling from a professor of mine in grad school who studied evangelicals. It definitely made me rethink how often I talked to Roy about studies of black people. It is VERY weird (at least for me as a privileged white person) to think of yourself as something so strange it needs to be studied... welcome to life as an other! So yes, I think "displacement" or immersion is really important. Even though if all the white people tried to do that, we might run out of places to be the minority.

I think it's in the last section (let me look) ....Just kidding -- it's in the fourth stage, one of the authors lists different types of racism. I'm going to repeat her list--one of them was really good for me to read. Aware/Overt racism [you're a racist and you know it], More Subtle Racism [the system is racist and you don't know it, Aware/Covert racism [you know it and you try to hid it], Unaware/Covert racism [you are racist but you don't know it], and finally, mine: Unaware/Selfrighteous racism: being a "good white person" who shames people of color and white people both for not being aware enough or culturally observant enough. This one is so easy for me to get into.

The authors also address white guilt, systemic discrimination, and even get into the definition of racism-- a discussion I had with Roy and some [black] friends just on Sunday. Racism = prejudice + power. They also talk about personal racism and instituational racism.

See, this is why I don't like book reviews...I get lost and don't know what to say. But, basically, I found it to be helpful. If you are a white person who wants to have more friends of color, you should read it. If you are a person of color who has well-meaning but annoying/offensive white friends, you should give them a copy ...maybe anonymously, so as not to be too pointed? If you're a white person who's ever wondered if you bother your black friends, or if you don't have any, or if you're scared of talking to people from different races about things that matter, you should probably read this book. It will take you-white-person from the moment of seeing someone who looks different than you to the moment when your life has been changed and you are ready/eager to lose your white privilege or use it to fight for justice for people of color. (gross. now I'm sounding like an amazon.com review). It doesn't promote white guilt, either. And it's gentle; it has lots of accounts of the authors' own experiences of being racist, so it's not judgy. But it's really truthful. It could easily be a companion volume to Divided by Faith. (it's DEFINITELY much better than United by Faith).

Two other things. It'll annoy reformed people that the husband and wife teams are sometimes co-pastors; it annoyed me exceedingly that they have applying questions in the text, not at the end of the chapters.

I'm going to quit now. Thanks! Also please note that I wrote this without Roy's input.

grocery list

2010-01-05T14:39:00.001-06:00

there is a humongous cat in our yard

all purpose flour
cream cheese (one package)
a lemon
lots of canned beans (kidney, black, + whatever looks good to you)
celery
green peppers (just one or two, really)
fruit
prune juice (or should we just get some prunes)
milk
yogurt - whole milk all natural kind
cereal - including plain shredded wheat
eggs
cheese
brown rice
cookies (?)
canned tomatos (lots)
pasta, angel hair, penne, bowties?
potatoes
chicken broth (low sodiom, no MSG)
frozen vegetables (Especially the fun mixes (more than just peas,
corn, carrots))
confectioners sugar/powdered sugar
any colored sugar you'd like to see on a king cake

I think that's all.

maybe i hallucinated...

2009-12-31T12:24:00.001-06:00

but as i was cooking my sausage, i swear i heard spring peepers in the
fizzing of the frying sound.

TV and race

2009-12-18T09:40:00.001-06:00

http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1948662,00.html

good advice

2009-12-08T12:43:00.001-06:00

from my sister: "she's on endorphins. don't judge."

Interesting facts + a story

2009-12-02T22:17:00.001-06:00

1) Roy just said that he has never respected Michael Jordan as a
basketball player.

2) Iris put her hand in a bottle. Somehow there was also a crayon in
the bottle. It took us a while to get the bottle off because she
wouldn't let go of the crayon. Somehow there's a punch line in here,
but I'm not sure what it is.

3) Next Thursday I am travelling to NYC with Iris. Our flight leaves
at 6:03 AM. Please pray for us.

Love,
Emily

this looks amazing

2009-11-20T13:03:00.001-06:00

anyone want to make it for me?

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/18/dining/183drex.html?em

this is weird and sad

2009-11-06T08:39:00.001-06:00

but my miscarriages have both happened on dear friends' birthdays.

Hello, bittersweet.

And, of course, un-incidentally, today was the day I had my d&c for
Beulah, our first lost-baby. I don't think that's the date of the
actual baby-loss, but it's the date I can remember. ...I almost wrote
more, but it seemed to get gratuitously poignant... but we do love all
our children. That is all.

I love this sentence.

2009-10-29T12:50:00.001-05:00

"While depression involves heavy burdensome feelings, despair is not
correlated with any particular set of emotions but is instead marked
by a desire to get rid of the self, or put another way, by an
unwillingness to become who you fundamentally are."

This does not mean I endorse anything. I just like the sentence.

from here: http://happydays.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/10/28/kierkegaard-on-the-couch/

FYI

2009-10-24T17:50:00.001-05:00

if we win this game, iris is going to church in her MSU outfit.

dee-licious pizza!

2009-10-24T09:46:00.001-05:00

yet another post about food.

THis time, though, Kroger has made it, not me. We LOVE Kroger Private
Selection [freezer] Pizzas. They are fancy and good--and smaller than
regular ones. I tried to get a picture online, but I couldn't find
one. Right now, they are two for seven dollars at our I-55 Kroger.
That's how much they cost when we discovered them, and then they went
up to two for ten and we stopped getting them, but for when you need
a lazy meal and don't have to feed a lot of people, I recommend them,
heartily.

The end.

delicious

2009-10-22T12:49:00.001-05:00

I wish I had more of my lunch--I made it myself!

It was black-eyed peas, canned tomatoes, a whole onion, butter, salt,
pepper, and lots of Tony Chacheres, simmered for a long time. I also
made some cornbread. It was slightly overdone, but still tasty
crumbled up with my dish.

I'm not sure if that's a dish that already exists--I know I had
something in mind when I made it, but it turned out like nothing I had
ever seen or tasted. It was much better the second day.

/end food brag

But it is REALLY good and I am still hungry for some.

I don't have any words.

2009-10-16T09:56:00.001-05:00

Good thing we didn't try to get married in Tangipahoa Parish.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20091016/ap_on_re_us/us_interracial_rebuff

Please have words for me.

Happy Iris Birthday

2009-10-01T15:41:00.001-05:00

THIS TIME LAST YEAR....you can go to our archives to see what we were doing!

it is really hard to pack with a baby

2009-09-26T07:44:00.001-05:00

that is all.

the mailman gave us cookies today

2009-09-23T22:46:00.001-05:00

and a change of address form.

Iris walked right up to him-- (i was holding her hand) down the
sidewalk--across the street, and he said hi and gave us cookies. Roy
is eating the rest of them.

I thought this was sweet.

2009-09-23T08:07:00.000-05:00

http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/wayoflife/09/23/truck.chaplain/index.html

so close to our house!

2009-09-18T15:08:00.001-05:00

http://www.clarionledger.com/article/20090918/NEWS/90918018/1263/RSS

parenting and the NYT

2009-09-15T21:58:00.001-05:00

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/15/health/15mind.html

also, this sounds very familiar...

2009-09-14T14:17:00.001-05:00

Sounds scarily like myself...as the junk person.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/13/fashion/13love.html?pagewanted=2&em

thought-provoking

2009-09-14T14:00:00.001-05:00

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/13/opinion/13ehrenreich.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1

this article says what i've always thought:

2009-09-10T22:54:00.001-05:00

http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200909/health-care

griefy mcgrief grief

2009-09-04T11:41:00.001-05:00

the thing about grief is, it's poignant. it's gorilla-glued to the
human condition. everybody, even if they can't identify with the
actual grief, can recognize it and that they might experience such a
feeling. that's why sad movies work. in the end, it feels like grief
is attractive, almost. <<<<I made this up. I have no data or
sources behind it.>>>>

i am grieving still, and grieving plenty. today I heard of a precious
friend who delivered her baby boy at six and a half months. Babies
don't live when they are born that early. this is also a weighty
grief. i can't even imagine...and i only lost my baby boy four months
or so before she did pregnancy-wise. So if you have some time, tell
God you care about her and her husband.

i have not been grief blogging, even though I often think about it.
mostly, it would just make me too sad, perhaps...or cry too much, and
i have Iris to take care of right now. but I know that I could write
lovely things about my grief, things that would make readers feel the
poignancy of it all, and maybe make them cry. and what I could write
would be beautiful. I would read them and think about how I was such a
good writer, and I would cry all over again. But this grief is
precious to me, because it continues to connect me to my son--and I
don't want to exploit that connection. So you won't hear much about it
here, for sure. And I might not even tell you that much about it to
your face. I don't know...I just... this grief is precious, but it is
for me and my family, not for the world. If I can tell how good Jesus
is, then I might share more to an individual, but otherwise... I don't
know. I will not be making it beautiful for public consumption. That
is all.

That said, because I know people do care about me and want to know how
I am doing: as far as I know, Jesus and Roy are doing a pretty good
job of taking care of me--I seem to, most days, be functioning nicely,
even though there is no telling what will make me grieve. I have never
been counseled for grief, though (even though when I was in therapy,
there was much grieving going on), so if you know more than I do about
grief and are worried for me, please talk to Roy. I __think__ that I
am doing okay. I've certainly never been as good as housekeeper. But
since I spent many years thinking I was awesome when I was, in fact, a
terrible terrible terrible unstable MESS, I am very cautious about
making self assessments. /self focus

How are you doing? What's going on in your life? Roy loves his job.
Iris is growing. We are moving, soon. MSU football is tomorrow!
Hurray!

this is what i married into

2009-08-31T21:48:00.001-05:00

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/27/fashion/27SKIN.html?pagewanted=1&em

twitter

2009-08-27T09:43:00.001-05:00

twitter can be so annoying.

i'm not sure it's worthwhile to be on, except for the MSU beat
reporter and the fun sports people. Maybe I should just unfollow some
folks.

that's all.

I'm now a twitterer

2009-08-22T16:12:00.001-05:00

and I think Roy might be jumping on that train pretty soon.

It's kinda fun, but also annoying. I don't feel like I'm really cool
enough to be a twitterer, and I can't imagine being interesting enough
that some of the people who follow me will really benefit. I know
that some twitterers are businesses trying to establish relationships,
etc., but am I really going to say something that will benefit
Marshall Ramsey (who actually tweets so much that I'm about to stop
following him, I think)?

I mostly started on twitter so I could follow the Mississippi State
beat reporter (@kyleveazey, if you're interested), and then I found
other interesting people, starting with sports people (i'm following
shaq, chris paul, and michael strahan, and terrell owens), and then
some reformed folks/RUF folks, and some friends.

But there's so much _posturing_ in it--when people repeat nice things
other people have said about them, etc., etc., that I get really
annoyed, too. So, we'll see. I might stop following John Piper.

Anyway, I initially planned on merely following and not "tweeting" at
all, but now I do from time to time. But I try to only say things that
are interesting or beautiful.

So there.

If you are a twitterer and would like to follow me, I'm emilyjanehubb.

(I hate all their madeup language, with the @s and the RT and the #)...

FYI

2009-08-21T13:50:00.001-05:00

Thank you so much for caring about me. I appreciate it. In the future,
please refer to miscarriage as a loss, not a difficulty.
Yours truly,
Emily

your brain and rats and stress

2009-08-20T14:30:00.001-05:00

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/18/science/18angier.html?em

2009-08-19T14:51:00.001-05:00

grief grief grief

today v. yesterday

2009-08-18T10:33:00.001-05:00

Yesterday I was a pretty good housewife--I made breakfast and lunch
for my husband, found all the stuff he'd lost and could n't leave for
work without, I folded AND putaway clothes, had food ready for my
husband when he got home, rubbed his tired feet, took our kid for a
walk so he could get a good rest...

Today, while still early, I prayed before Iris ate breakfast, and told
her that Jesus loves her. I didn't do anything to help Roy.

(I also took nyquil last night).

The end.

in the midst of sorrow, growth

2009-08-13T09:00:00.001-05:00

man, that title sounds cheesy--

and the growth is Iris's, not mine.

Yesterday, she took two (non consecutive) tiny steps!
We are not hurrying her to walk, but it was pretty exciting.

Also, I think she has realized that we cant MAKE her go to sleep.
Snuggling with her doesn't do any good, nor does giving her her
favorite blanket, or a stuffed animal, or a pacifier. I'm sure this is
all a good developmental thing, but it's definitely making life a lil
bit more difficult right this second. Momma could use more sleep
herself!

We are making it. God is good. Our friends are sweet. Our living child
is precious.

Keep in touch.

sad news

2009-08-08T13:57:00.002-05:00

well, when i went to the doctor on friday for our second ultrasound,
there wasn't a heartbeat.

second verse, same as the first

I'm really sad. and we told a lot of people about this baby because we
(especially me) were SO excited...so there's a lot of untelling. so
please, make sure everyone you know that knows us knows we had a
miscarriage. i'm not sure which one is worse, being asked how the
baby is doing or hearing other people's sad baby stories, when you
only want to grieve for your own, but please please please make sure
people know. it's weird, because this is a deeply personal thing...i'm
still carrying my child whose heart isn't beating, but I want everyone
to know. and they can pray, too. So I don't mind people knowing, but
I'd probably rather just have a hug than any words of comfort. we've
already done this before...i know the drill...but I don't mind knowing
that you care about us. Roy is a very good comforter--not as good as
Jesus, but pretty good. :)

We'll still take flowers and/or casseroles. And we do have a beautiful
little girl to snuggle and hug tight. and God is good to us. and I
like my new doctor, still.

This grief is different...it's a familiar grief, not a strange one,
and it's tempered by Iris's presence and her daily needs. You can't
just be sad all day and mope when you have to feed and clothe and play
and supervise a precious baby, who will lean in for a kiss if you say
"Iris, give me a kiss!" But at the same time, I'm not sure how to
grieve as good as I did with Beulah.

But my doctor is ...gracious is the word that comes to mind, even
though I'm not sure how that fits. He didn't pressure for a d&c at
all, though if my body doesn't cooperate, who knows what will
happen... so I have time and space to grieve and wait, and still hold
little Reuben (this one I decided is a boy, and Roy named him) with
me.

So pray for us, please, that we would both have grace to be good
parents to Iris and to support each other, and PLEASE tell people,
anyone at all that might know us. And I think some visits would be
okay...I'm just not sure.

Sorry this is a little / a lot distracted...I've been dreading writing this.

Thank you.

i really liked this article.

2009-08-04T18:24:00.001-05:00

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/02/fashion/02love.html

shoes I'm throwing out

2009-08-04T14:48:00.001-05:00

a riveting post, I assure you.
Today is my first "stay at home mom day" (man, I hate that term so
much!)...Iris finally decided to take a nap (hurray!) and so before I
did something very vegge-out-like, I decided I would be a little
productive...so I put my flylady hat on, set a timer for 15 minutes,
and went through my drawers and my shoe bungalow.

I think I'll be able to live with the clothes I'm giving away, but
some of my shoes, even though I never wear them, ever, or they are so
old I am not stable in them, I'm still very sad to be throwing out.
So...I'm makin' a list:

1) My prom shoes from 11th grade. They are thick and clunky thong
platforms, Steve Maddens, red sole and straps, and black with red
asian pattern on the sides. I wore them with Mom's yellow prom dress.

2) The running shoes I got from the Lodge in Starkville when I was a
sophomore. They only cost $20, I think, and I was very proud of them.
They were mostly grey Reeboks, and sometimes my feet fell asleep in
them.

3) My pink flats with the flowers on the toe. These were some of the
first "cute" shoes I picked out without my sisters, and I was (again!)
very proud of their purchase. I've worn them so much my feet kinda
slide around in them, which now that I'm carrying babies all the time
isn't very safe.

4) My Merrell sandals. Carroll called them my "athletic grandma"
shoes, and when I was in my walking phase my senior year of college, I
wore them ALL the time, walking to class, social events, etc. One of
the shoes--I think it was the left one, got ravaged by John Wiggins'
dog Chaco, but I wore them anyway. "Ravaged" is a bit strong...maybe
"damaged" is better.

5) My blue "Slickrock" Clark's shoes I bought when I was a freshman. I
wore those shoes everywhere, too. I ordered them from Zappos, and I
still remember how excited I was when we got to 525 (I think it was
after tutoring at Brickfire), and I could see the box on the steps of
my apartment. And I wore them to RUF that night, but decided that I
needed a bigger size, so I sent them back, even though I'd worn them
once. I wanted to have a pair of Clarks, but now be like everyone else
and get Wallabys.

6) My peacock blue Crocs that Roy got me last year for my birthday. I
wore them constantly--they were great pregnant shoes. I walked all
over New York in them and didn't get any blisters, and that was right
after we'd gotten them. But then we wore them so much I wore the tread
off them and slipped while I was pretty pregnant with Iris. I didn't
land on her, but I have a scar on my ankle from making sure I didn't.

7) My tan Mary Jane wedges I bought from Walmart...mmmm...maybe when I
was a sophomore? They were the first pair of "cute" shoes I ever just
wore around--of course, I didn't start doing that until my senior
year. They were a copy of I think Steve Madden shoes, and I thought
they were really cool. My feet have grown too much from being
pregnant, so I don't think they'll be comfortable again--and they are
wedges and I definitely prefer flats these days. But I wore them a lot
and liked them.

Okay. The end. Thank you for indulging my sense of nostalgia---I get
terribly attached to my things and sometimes the only way I can bring
myself to throw them out is to make sure I'll remember them.

Time is filled with swift transition...

2009-08-01T19:46:00.001-05:00

We sing this song at church a good deal, and it pretty aptly sums up
what's going on with our lives.

Time is filled with swift transition,
Naught of earth unmoved can stand,
Build your hopes on things eternal,
Hold to God's unchanging hand.

Refrain:
Hold to God's unchanging hand,
Hold to God's unchanging hand;
Build your hopes on things eternal,
Hold to God's unchanging hand.

Trust in Him who will not leave you,
Whatsoever years may bring,
If by earthly friends forsaken
Still more closely to Him cling.

Covet not this world's vain riches
That so rapidly decay,
Seek to gain the heav'nly treasures,
They will never pass away.

When your journey is completed,
If to God you have been true,
Fair and bright the home in glory
Your enraptured soul will view.

--Jennie Wilson
-----

It seems like this whole year has been full of the promise of change,
but none of it has been the change I hoped. Well, only a couple
things.

I think you all know most of the saga of Roy's search for
employment--how RUF at Tougaloo didn't work out, and so we visited
churches, with several seeming VERY interested in us, but ultimately,
none of them hired us. And so we decided that God must want us in
Jackson, and Roy went to look for teaching jobs in the public school
system here. His certification was out of date, so none of the schools
were as interested as they should be in such an awesome teacher. [:)]
We were interested in the Jackson public schools for a couple
reasons--we wanted to be working where we lived, we are pro-Christians
serving in the public schools (and sending their kids there!), and
the pay was good...not compared to other states, but compared to our
current situation. And state benefits are decent. But none of the
schools wanted to hire Roy. We had gotten to the point of saying "If
you don't have a job by September, maybe we should look for church
jobs again." I think the next day, Roy got a call from a private
school in Clinton. The call was on a Monday, interview was on a
Tuesday, he accepted the job on a Wednesday, and he starts next
Tuesday. It is not the same financially as JPS would have been were
Roy to be hired there, and definitely provides fewer benefits, but it
is a JOB!! and we are very thankful for it. (Take note that benefits
are important--this will be explained later.)

For Roy, this means that he will get to stop keeping Iris and start
going to work. For me, this means I am now working 15 hours a week at
the job that I love (most of the time), and have to find a sitter
(even though, really, there's no reason that sitter-finding is solely
my job, especially because I am not good at it) for when I am working,
and I'll be at home, keeping Iris, for most of my time. I am also
losing my benefits, and getting paid enough (not counting what taxes
will take out) just enough to pay for COBRA health insurance coverage.
And that's NOT counting paying the babysitter. [If anyone wants to
keep Iris for free a couple days a week, let me know. She's sweet and
fun, and when she smiles, she's radiant!] While I am so glad that Roy
has a real job and a real paycheck, I'm a little stressed about how it
will all work out.

Roy will also be doing a little bit of RUF stuff with Tougaloo/JSU and
teaching a Bible class for Belhaven's adult education program.

Now, about why benefits are important--we're having another baby! This
doesn't help with the stress...but we are really glad and excited.
Little Jo-Lo should be born when Iris is about 17 months old--March
sometime (I know that was your first thought--don't even try to lie!)
and as fast as Iris is growing up, I think it'll be okay. But that's
why having benefits--and keeping me insured, is very important. If my
insurance lapses, from what I understand, the pregnancy will be
declared a pre-existing condition, and wouldn't be covered. I also
switched doctors so I can try to not have a c-section this time...his
practice is much smaller than where I was before, and I already feel
happier about having to go to the doctor all the time again. By the
time Iris was born, I was so sick of the doctor's office, I could
barely stand it. I also got my medical records from the doctor's
office and was very sad to see that there wasn't very much information
about Iris's birth--maybe I need to get that from the hospital? I was
really curious to see what had happened, since I don't really remember
that much. But we are excited about God's blessing us with this newest
little one. I get to go to the doctor next Friday to get another
sonogram--the first one disagreed with my dates by about two weeks, so
the doctor wanted to get another look.

So, that's what's up with us Hubbards...Roy is going to be teaching
math to 7th, 8th, and 9th graders at Clinton Christian Academy, and me
and Iris are going to be hanging out most of the week...I'll be
working a little bit and growing a baby as well. A lot of change, all
at once, and none of it exactly like I anticipated... Time is filled
with swift transition, indeed! I better be reaching out to God's
unchanging hand, huh?

Also, come to think of it, Iris and I, and to a lesser extent Roy, are
sick--Iris with an ear infection (doctor diagnosed) and me with a
sinus infection (self diagnosed)...Iris has antibiotics, and I'm
drinking hot Tang and being grumpy (apparently a symptom associated
with being pregnant...I've been very internally grumpy at work, so it
seems fortuitous that I get to take a break now).

So, what's happening with y'all?

We might get to get a kitten after all, too and might not have to move
from the church house--but I'm too tired to explain all that.

So, that's all.

Love,
Emily

a letter

2009-07-30T10:08:00.001-05:00

Dear Fatigue--

How long are you planning on staying with me? I'm tired of you.

Love,
Emily, your constant companion.

could you do it?

2009-07-27T16:53:00.001-05:00

living without airconditioning...I'm not sure I could do it:
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/23/garden/23air.html?pagewanted=1&ref=style

more healthcare

2009-07-27T13:42:00.001-05:00

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/26/weekinreview/26leonhardt.html?hpw

more thoughts on healthcare

2009-07-20T12:57:00.001-05:00

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/19/magazine/19healthcare-t.html?pagewanted=1&em

a quote: >>>
One ﬁnal comment. It is common for opponents of health care rationing
to point to Canada and Britain as examples of where we might end up if
we get "socialized medicine." On a blog on Fox News earlier this year,
the conservative writer John Lott wrote, "Americans should ask
Canadians and Brits — people who have long suffered from rationing —
how happy they are with central government decisions on eliminating
'unnecessary' health care." There is no particular reason that the
United States should copy the British or Canadian forms of universal
coverage, rather than one of the different arrangements that have
developed in other industrialized nations, some of which may be
better. But as it happens, last year the Gallup organization did ask
Canadians and Brits, and people in many different countries, if they
have confidence in "health care or medical systems" in their country.
In Canada, 73 percent answered this question affirmatively.
Coincidentally, an identical percentage of Britons gave the same
answer. In the United States, despite spending much more, per person,
on health care, the figure was only 56 percent. <<<

oh snap!

2009-07-09T14:37:00.001-05:00

http://bradley.chattablogs.com/archives/2009/07/is-the-presbyte.html

places i want to go before i die

2009-07-06T16:15:00.001-05:00

The Lakes District
some pacific island
peru
scotland
colorado
portugal
africa somewhere
the caribbean
australia
I would like to travel a lot. we'll just drop our children off with
you and go for a jaunt!

so it's jim wallis...i'm still intrigued.

2009-06-24T12:34:00.001-05:00

http://blog.sojo.net/2009/06/24/jon-stewart-and-mike-huckabee-on-abortion/

i really love making stuff

2009-06-24T11:20:00.002-05:00

databases
meals
subject lists
mix cds
bread
babies (ha! laugh!)
friends
conversations
cards (especially when i get to use scissors and tape)
when i was little i used to love to sew, even though it was really pretend sewing

on the flip side,
i also love reading, eating, and facebook.

i'm really interested in health care right now:

2009-06-23T13:04:00.001-05:00

http://www.time.com/time/politics/article/0,8599,1905340-1,00.html

i want this book a lot.

2009-06-19T16:00:00.001-05:00

http://byfaithonline.com/page/in-the-church/seeing-women-through-gods-eyes

I like this article.

2009-06-17T12:39:00.001-05:00

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/06/14/opinion/14ehrenreich.html?pagewanted=1

i want to play balderdash

2009-06-08T10:00:00.001-05:00

who's with me? i can't remember if we own that game, but I think we
do. it might be my favorite board game, not counting scrabble, which
has sentimental associations which make it unrankable (yarnroon).

game night, our house, pending roy's approval, tbd?

so sad that this is a need being met

2009-06-05T13:09:00.001-05:00

http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/06/04/cnnheroes.betty.makoni/index.html?eref=time_world

i didn't know this existed! crazy!

2009-06-04T15:05:00.001-05:00

Burning town

http://www.pennlive.com/midstate/index.ssf/2009/06/even_fewer_residents_remain_in.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Centralia,_PA

Jackson.......4 lyfe???? ( a really long post )

2009-06-03T20:23:00.002-05:00

Well, friends, it seems like God wants us to stay in Jackson. The
church we were (me especially) really interested in decided not to
hire us, and Tougaloo has opened its doors to RUF. Long story short,
we're staying. Short story long, RUF at Tougaloo as an entity doesn't
exist anymore, and given these "troubling economic times," and the
slowness of committees, won't for at least a year.

This means Roy will have to find another job, most likely teaching
somewhere. I am working full time for the summer (if you ever want to
keep Iris and give Roy a break, let us know!). Also, we have to move
in July so the church can have their internship back. None of this
was remotely in my plans. Hurray. But I guess God knows better than us
what we need. Also, I am usually against people leaving Mississippi
when there's so much work to be done here...but I was very ready to
make excuses for us. [I think Iris might be having a BM...she looks
VERY serious.] So I guess I'll just have to practice what I
preach.....but man, there's still a lot of disappointment.

To compensate, I'm trying to have the best summer ever. My plans
include a lot of socializing. (If you don't have kids or medical
problems, please come to our house...it's so much easier!) I'm also
planning on learning to cook like a Louisianian by cooking through the
books "You are Where You Eat" and "New Orleans Cuisine" (both
published by my employer). I would also like to watch a lot of sports
with Roy. And put a brick on Iris's head to stop her from growing! And
making a wonderful summer soundtrack.

She can now cruise a little bit--definitely all around her crib. Her
eating Cheerios is the cutest thing I've ever seen. She's so serious
about it...and still has a little bit of problem picking them up. Also
she is "scooting" with an occasional real crawl. Her hair is getting
even longer. Basically, you just need to come her to know what's going
on...it seems like major changes keep happening every week.
Unbelievable.

On the food note, I'm going to brag a little bit. I don't really like
it when people say what they ate or cooked. It either makes me feel
inferior OR hungry and sometimes both. However, when Roy affirms
something by saying "This tastes like it does in New Orleans!" it
makes me feel so happy I have to share. When I went to Kroger, I
bought a super-long loaf of "poor boy" bread (that's what it was
labeled). Also a lil andouille, though I'm sorry to say that it was the
Johnsonville kind instead of a local kind because all the regional
ones had MSG in them. And so I thought I'd make him a sausage po' boy.
THEN, I remembered that we had some frozen fried shrimp, so I cooked
those. And then I remembered reading about a remoulade sauce in "New
Orleans Cuisine" that seemed easy to make, so I whipped that up.
(mayo, ketchup, mustard, worcestershire sauce + tabasco). We didn't
have lettuce or tomatoes, so I skipped that part, but I did add some
cheese. I toasted the bread...he really liked it. I felt so cool.

Also, I think Iris, given how much she likes cheerios, might be ready
for more finger foods. Do you just give regular food cooked for a LONG
time and cut up...not too small, but small? I am such a total amateur
at this baby feeding business. I have decided not to feel bad about
buying baby food if I want to...especially this summer if I'm working
so much. I'm pretty sure I'll want to be spending time with my baby,
not just cooking for her. We'll see.

And now to the music. Roy recently got me an Othar Turner cd. It's
fife and drum blues, from the Mississippi Delta. Almost no one plays
this kinda music anymore. The CD he got me, whose name I don't
remember, is basically the soundtrack from a picnic. It's freaking
amazing. Iris and I both love it. Roy, my sister, and my mom don't.
Their loss.

So, maybe I'll pick a day of the week to cook my food and you, dear
reader, can come over and be my guinea pigs. (pending Roy's approval).
You can play with Iris and visit and help me be glad God's stuck us in
Jackson.

The End.

[p.s. bowels definitely moved....]

hope deferred makes the heart sick

2009-05-28T18:16:00.001-05:00

but desire fulfilled is a tree of life.

Iris can pull up on the crib now. She's so big that she can have her
whole head over the rail. And yes, the mattress is as low as it can
go. How is my baby as big as a toddler?

The end.

goal: blog more, facebook less

2009-05-26T09:45:00.001-05:00

I am really bad at being patient.

much more fun than dick cheney:

2009-04-23T08:26:00.001-05:00

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090418/ap_on_fe_st/odd_head_shot_survivor

i do not like political discussions or arguments

2009-04-23T08:22:00.001-05:00

But i can't believe that Dick Cheney is saying that torture is okay,
because "look at the good information we got!" Holy crap.

accidental snipe-age

2009-04-18T22:36:00.002-05:00

Some one asked me If I was a fulltime mother.

I said "yes, and I work 30 hours a week."

April showers?

2009-04-14T21:25:00.001-05:00

May flowers? that's me...I used to be so excited about my birthday
coming, but now I'm too tired. But it is, in fact, less than a month
until my 25th birthday. God has kept me.

My work laid someone off from our staff of around 18 today. They laid
off someone who'd been working there for twenty years. It's kinda
bizarre. I don't even know what to say.

Aptly, I saw white things floating down from the sky when I went home
for baby-feeding...it looked like a special effect in a movie or
something. As they got closer, I could see that they were little downy
feathers--later I could see some longer, grey ones. When I left the
house to go back to work, there was this odd electrical burning smell.
At first I thought that maybe something...a bigger bird, I guess, was
eating the bird whose feathers were falling (it looked like a
mockingbird, maybe), but now I'm wondering if it was a stupid young
bird who somehow fried him/herself on a power line. Feel free to use
this in your next novel. I know I will!

We now have a 21 pound six month old. She's eating solids, and I've
found that I really enjoy making babyfood. It's really fun, grinding
things up! She's had sweet potatoes, carrots, and tastes of pineapple,
apple, and banana. The apple she actually pulled out of my hand and
started gumming, so I gave her a piece in the little mesh bag thing to
chew on, so she couldn't get anything to choke on. As I was doing
this, I realized I'm not exactly sure what to do if she was choking,
besides hit her really hard in the back. Yikes! Maybe Roy knows. We
are also planning on weaning her from momma's milk soon... I keep
putting it off because I'm really grossed out by formula, but it's
time. Our life is about to have too much upheaval to be pumping all
the time. I'm already not making as much milk, so hopefully it will
be a smooth transition...but I think it might be harder on me than it
is on her. We haven't tried giving her formula yet, though, so I hope
she does take it. When do babies not need bottles? She also has a
lil ear infection, probably caused by a plane ride to a city in New
England. But we're giving her medicine and hopefully she'll get well
soon--and not wake up in the night screaming and clutching her ear!
It's kinda scary how often my hopes for her health and well being are
ultimately for mine--I want her to sleep through the night mostly
because I want to sleep through the night, not because she needs her
sleep. We are still very unscheduled, but she doesn't seem to mind, so
far. It's so hard to tell because baby things always change. When she
was right at six months, she was having sleep interruptions--my
favorite answer was because she was growing and needed more food. Then
we traveled and she got sick, and we're about to travel again! so,
poor baby, I don't know when we'll get back to normal...by that time
it'll almost be seven months normal, not six months. It's getting so
joyful to have a kid, now...she smiles when she sees me and reaches
out for me! And I love snuggle time with her...depending on which
method you are dogmatic about, I'm probably spoiling her, but I love
it. Sorry.

Um...coming up we have some big final decisions to make about where we
live for the rest of our lives...hopefully. I think Roy said by the
end of april, we would know where we are going. At that point, I will
probably make a blog with the title "[chosen location] 4 lyfe!" I'm
debating about whether I should use a "f" or a "ph" LYPHE! Anyway, I
am cautiously excited about the direction it seems we are heading. I
know that whereever we end up, Roy will be preaching the gospel and
I'll get to help him, serve others, and have babies and make
bread...and hopefully not go crazy. And maybe have a little job
outside the home.

Okay. I'm going to go now. Have a nice night!

amen!

2009-04-02T12:53:00.000-05:00

http://www.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1888985,00.html

i should probably be doing like six other things

2009-04-01T22:33:00.001-05:00

But I'm listening to Iris make up her mind to go to bed. It's more a
moan than a cry.... so far.

Turning into a cry...ooh! I hear Roy getting up to investigate. Hurray.

We went to Renaissance today, me 'n' Iris. The shopping center place.
I struggled to take apart her stroller and put it back together (maybe
we should have read that pdf of the manual Ets sent us). But I put her
in it and we strolled around. Went to all my favorite catalog stores,
and got lots of good stuff--I think all of it was on sale. I really
enjoyed myself. It's much nicer to shop with someone, even if they
can't really talk. Too bad I couldn't get fashion advice from her.
Initially, I've been against that shopping place...since it's just
more urban sprawl, more moving tax dollars away from the place that
needs it the most, and it's so consumeristic. But since I've gone
there, I have to admit, the outdoor classical music and the fountains
were pretty enjoyable and calming. It was fun to tootle around the
place with Iris. Even though it did make me a bit unhappy with my lot
in life when I went into the store and could only look at the sale
racks. But it was so very pleasant.

Sometimes I forget that I can get out of the house--even take Iris
with me to places. It was so good to get away...and fun to have her
along. I did get lost, but that's another story.

I went shopping because, ahem, we're going to boston this weekend!!!!
and I wanted to have clothes to wear. I got a tank top (green) from
Jcrew and a sweatery-cardigan thingy also from there, and a grown up
t-shirt from jjill, and some more long sleeve t-shirts and leggings
from Target. Pretty sweet additions to my wardrobe.

I also got a highchair at target! Hurray! now it can be normal to feed
Iris grown-up food, instead of having to prop up her bouncy seat. and
blank onesies. Nothing is on them.

Okay. It's probably time for me to be diligent. But I just wanted to
say, "I had a good night."

babies.............

2009-03-30T10:13:00.001-05:00

1) i hope that iris's nighttime waking (two in a row, folks!) is a
growth spurt and not a habit.
2) looking at other people's newborns on facebook makes me want to
have another one. soon. am i crazy?

This is kinda fun!

2009-03-27T14:38:00.001-05:00

Subject: Announcing the Free Book Stimulus Plan

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
March 27, 2009

Contact:
Wanda Jewell, Executive Director
Southern Independent Booksellers Alliance
3806 Yale Avenue
Columbia, SC 29205
803.779.0118
wanda@sibaweb.com

Announcing FreeBookStimulusPlan.com
Increase Your Karmic Footprint

Wanda Jewell has a problem. After serving nearly 20 years as Executive Director of the Southern Independent Booksellers Alliance (SIBA) she is overrun with books. All kind of books; finished copies and galleys, advance reading copies, advance reader editions, paperback and hardbound, slip-covered and not, limited editions, signed and unsigned, personalized and not. Books here, books there, books, books, everywhere…and each publishing season brings more. It was while she was contemplating the management of her extensive personal library, (with the television news on in the background) that Wanda had her “Aha!” moment: How to weed her collection and support her southern indie bookstores at the same time? In a flash of Obama-induced inspiration, Wanda created her own Free Book Stimulus Plan.

Books can be purchased anywhere. So why shop at indie bookstores? Because buying a book at your local indie bookstore doesn’t just stimulate your reading, it stimulates your local economy. Shopping local is an investment in your own neighborhood and good karma all around. And because you can get a free book!

Hoping to stimulate sales at indie bookstores, Wanda is dismantling her personal library and offering it to shoppers one free book at a time. Beginning April 2nd, readers who purchase a book at a SIBA-member indie store and send her a copy of the receipt will receive book from her collection completely free of charge. Visit FreeBookStimulusPlan.com for details and a list of participating bookstores. Print out the request form on the site and mail it in with a copy of your store receipt (the receipt must include the name of the store). That is all you have to do to get a free book from Wanda’s personal library.

This offer is open only to consumers living in the contiguous United States. Completed form with receipt must be mailed to Free Book, 3806 Yale Ave., Columbia, SC 29205 and only while supplies last. Consider this a challenge to deplete Wanda’s library – she doubts it can be done!

Here is all that Wanda asks in return. Visit FreeBookStimulusPlan.com; Pass it on. Post to blog. Pay it forward. Print to press. Play the 411. Shout it out. Share the news. Spread the word. Soapbox it up. Tweet & Retweet. Facebook & Myspace. Get the word out. Free Book for Shopping Southern Indie Bookstores! Increase your karmic footprint!

i'd buy it....would you?

2009-03-26T20:37:00.001-05:00

http://www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/europe/03/26/uk.village.sale/index.html?iref=mpstoryview

good word:

2009-03-24T10:55:00.001-05:00

Word of the Day for Tuesday, March 24, 2009

thaumaturgy \THAW-muh-tuhr-jee\, noun:

The performance of miracles or magic.

Of course, none of these improbable meetings ever took place in
reality. But within the realm of showbiz thaumaturgy, they're
perfectly acceptable examples of latter-day digital compositing,
wherein it's possible to have anything share a frame of film or video
with practically anything else.
-- John Voland, "Prez presses tech buttons", Variety, July 21, 1997

There was ever a cautious hesitancy on the part of the clergy to
recognize evidence of thaumaturgy, and the superstitious use of
relics.
-- John Mcgurk, "Devoted People: Belief and Religion in Early
Modern Ireland", Contemporary Review, September 1998

Thaumaturgy comes from the Greek words for "wonder" (thauma) and
"work" (ergon). A practitioner of thaumaturgy is a thaumaturgist or
thaumaturge.

Dictionary.com Entry and Pronunciation for thaumatur

rats.

2009-03-24T10:41:00.001-05:00

http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/03/23/healthmag.red.meat.lifespan/index.html?iref=mpstoryview

worth blogging about

2009-03-13T15:45:00.001-05:00

iris reached out in preference to me for the very first time. super
sweet, even though i forsee this means more cryin baby time.

a kinda of blog...

2009-03-09T16:47:00.000-05:00

Really, I thought of all of these like they were facebook stati, but
couldn't bring myself to change it that often.

1) I love being creative in the kitchen
2) Man, I can't stop eating andouille!
3) Sometimes I confuse "chunky" with "larger than bite size"
4) I hope my chicken-tomato-eggplant-mirliton-onion-garlic-white
corn-andouille-and maybe barley soup (or stew, as it may turn out to
be) is good.
5) I must be really out of shape or pretty sick, because I am TIRED
after standing up for so long cooking.
6) Tomorrow is my and Roy's second anniversary. Hurray!

why don't Christian's celebrate purim? it looks like fun!

2009-03-06T13:08:00.001-06:00

March 9-11 - Purim (Judaism)

Purim commemorates the story of Esther, who saved Persian Jews from
extermination. A day for eating, drinking and being merry, Purim also
features hamentaschen, triangular cookies that resemble the hat of
Haman, Esther's nemesis.

grocery purchases

2009-03-05T00:28:00.001-06:00

lemon juice
cereal (muesli and frosted miniwheats, kroger brand)
chocolate covered granola bars
soup, various kinds of chicken, healthy choice
community coffee (dark roast with chicory)
yogurt
half and half
creamer, french vanilla
orange&pineapple juice, half gallon
orange juice, gallon
milk
beef, some fancy organic cut (managers special)
fish, ditto
fresca, 12 pack
bananas
jimmy dean croissanwhiches
freezer pizza, two
chicken breasts
pork loin
turkey sandwich meat
andouille sausage
bag salad
egg plant
chayote (other wise known as mirliton or something like that)
corn chips
popcorn
ginger snaps (kroger brand) *not very good
bread
baby food (carrots)
flour tortillas

we'll see what happens.

we might be the worst parents ever

2009-02-28T08:39:00.001-06:00

well, maybe just in the top ten...

but anyways, I was going through our laundry basket, preparatory to
washing clothes for this weekend (more on that later) and we found TWO
bottles! one moldy, one not. IN OUR LAUNDRY BASKET. I'm not sure how
they got there OR how long they've been there. But frankly, I'm a
little grossed out. Don't tell Iris. I don't think I'll be using the
moldy bottle again.

This weekend, we are visiting a church in Alabama. We have a couple
more churches lined up to visit. I'm not actually sure how discreet
one's supposed to be about the whole preacher-job-finding experience,
but I have to say, it's kinda like dating multiple people at
once...weird. almost like the bachelor. ..."these churches are all
amazing! how can i choose when i have feelings for all of them?"

And we have to travel to get there. Travelling makes me so nervous,
even though every time we have travelled, it's been fine. But
travelling with a baby and a pumping mommy makes everything more
complicated. I don't want to get into too much detail, but interesting
things are going to be happening on the interstate.

On giving up TV for Lent. I actually picked it because I thought it
wouldn't be too hard to do. Is that terrible? I haven't ever been a TV
watcher til I was pregnant with Iris, and didn't do as much night
church stuff. So, though I'll miss knowing whom the bachelor picks,
I'll probabbly just look it up online after the show.

IRis, by the way, is hitting some nice milestones. She can roll over
now, though not from her right side, and roll back. she can pull her
bottom lip in. She'll be FIVE calendar months tomorrow. (Shout out to
her Aunt Juli, who'll be more months than that...also Trey). She has
crawled a tiny bit. Being on her stomach seems to make her spit up a
lil bit more, so we'll have to wait for that to work itself out before
she's a really comfortable tummy girl. She smiles at me every morning
when I go to see why she's making all that noise. She likes toys. She
takes baths in the tub now, something I was deathly afraid of until I
realized that I could lay her down as long as I didn't put too much
water in the tub. She likes it a lot better now, too, and loves her
bath toys, though it's mostly to chew on. but she kicks and splashes a
little more now. I'm still waiting on her sitting up by herself, but
she's so chunky, all the milestones that require muscle development
take a little more patience. She would like to sit up, though. Also,
we are probably going to see if she likes orange vegetables next week.
I'm still nervous about that...for some of these apparently basic
parenting skills, my imagination fails me and I need step by step very
literal and complete instructions. She's been having rice cereal in
her bottle for breakfast (with the concomitant stinkier poo), but
spoons and real food will be an adventure.

I think I might have overloaded the washer...i should go check on it.
and also be diligent...only 2.5 hours until we're supposed to leave!

too-high c-section rates or not, i'm so glad i live the US

2009-02-23T23:15:00.001-06:00

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/24/health/24hospital.html?pagewanted=1&8dpc&_r=1

i'm a little sad about this

2009-02-23T22:55:00.001-06:00

http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/02/23/forgotten.veterans/index.html

our government has commited so many injustices.

thoughtful

2009-02-23T10:00:00.001-06:00

http://www.cnn.com/2009/POLITICS/02/20/dyson.holder/index.html

read this...

2009-02-19T12:32:00.001-06:00

http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1880451,00.html

and then don't ask me to join any more facebook groups about it. please.

love,
Emily

I Love Joaquin Phoenix and David Letterman For Making This Happen

2009-02-17T18:19:00.003-06:00

http://www.cbs.com/late_show/video/video.php?cid=446418043&pid=TOnYWLFIAq4k8vA0Me2lpEWu5ovWrJzB&play=true&cc=1

Thanks Will for telling me about Letterman's interview with Joaquin Phoenix. I've re-watched it over and over and have just been continuing to study it while laughing hysterically. What are y'all's thoughts?